1
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[CREAKING]
2
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[MEN YELLING]
3
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[COOING]
4
00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:02,889
MALE NARRATOR:
The place: New York City.
5
00:03:03,060 --> 00:03:06,973
The time: now. 1962.
6
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And there's no time or place like it.
7
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If you've got a dream, this is the place
to make that dream come true.
8
00:03:15,340 --> 00:03:19,128
That's why the soaring population
of hopeful dreamers has just reached...
9
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:22,098
... eight million people.
10
00:03:22,260 --> 00:03:26,492
Oh, make that eight million and one.
11
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WOMAN 1: Hey, taxi! Taxi! Taxi!
WOMAN 2: Taxi!
12
00:03:30,220 --> 00:03:31,938
Wait. Where are you going?
13
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,488
Down with the bomb.
14
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:50,618
PROTESTERS: Down with the bomb.
Down with the bomb.
15
00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:54,136
Down with the bomb.
Down with the bomb.
16
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,415
Down with the b...
17
00:03:55,580 --> 00:03:57,138
[SCREAMING]
18
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[DINGING]
19
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[DINGING]
20
00:04:53,580 --> 00:04:56,140
Barbara?
21
00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:58,655
- Barbara Novak?
- Oh, I think so.
22
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:01,653
- Oh, thank goodness you're here.
- Vikki?
23
00:05:01,820 --> 00:05:04,050
Vikki Hiller, your editor, in the flesh.
24
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,734
It is so nice to finally
meet you in person.
25
00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:08,891
My goodness, you're gorgeous.
26
00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:13,057
We'll have a photo shoot for
the book jacket. And, don't worry, there's a plenty of time
27
00:05:13,220 --> 00:05:16,690
The book doesn't come out for a week.
One week. Oh, my.
28
00:05:16,860 --> 00:05:19,294
Don't be nervous. Cigarette?
29
00:05:20,260 --> 00:05:21,818
[COUGHING]
30
00:05:21,980 --> 00:05:24,778
Barbara, this is my secretary, Gladys.
Gladys, Barbara Novak.
31
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Oh, I know. It's a pleasure.
32
00:05:26,980 --> 00:05:30,939
Hello, Gladys. I'm glad to finally
have a face to put with the voice.
33
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:33,694
Vik, I need you to sign off
on this pronto.
34
00:05:34,740 --> 00:05:36,970
Maurice Johns, art director.
35
00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:40,497
Barbara Novak, your cover.
36
00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:45,654
Oh, Maurice. I love it!
37
00:05:45,820 --> 00:05:48,254
Down With Love. Hear, hear.
38
00:05:48,420 --> 00:05:50,331
I wish someone had
written your book...
39
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,809
...10 years ago before
it was too late for me.
40
00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:54,891
Gladys, it's never too late.
41
00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:58,530
Great job. Sorry if the guys in
reproduction have been riding your tail.
42
00:05:58,700 --> 00:06:00,691
Well, I'm not.
43
00:06:03,820 --> 00:06:06,050
They're ready for you in the lion's den.
44
00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:12,849
- Lion's den?
- Oh, don't worry. You'll be fine.
45
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:17,690
Just take a deep breath.
46
00:06:20,420 --> 00:06:22,138
[COUGHS]
47
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:30,332
Gentlemen, this is Miss Novak.
48
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:34,973
- E.G.
- C.B.
49
00:06:35,140 --> 00:06:36,732
- C.W.
- J.B.
50
00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:38,492
- J.R.
- R.J.
51
00:06:38,660 --> 00:06:41,174
- Okay.
- O.K. can't make it. He's down with T.B.
52
00:06:41,340 --> 00:06:43,376
Oh, what a shame. Is it serious?
53
00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:47,419
No, they're just having breakfast.
T.B. is Theodore Banner.
54
00:06:47,580 --> 00:06:50,777
The owner of Banner House.
The fellow publishing your book.
55
00:06:51,220 --> 00:06:53,734
That's his portrait, there.
56
00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:59,375
Sorry if we've kept you, but Barbara hit
a storm on her way down from Maine.
57
00:06:59,540 --> 00:07:01,531
So you've come down from Maine, huh?
58
00:07:01,700 --> 00:07:03,531
Well, you remember, C.B.
59
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:06,168
Miss Novak is the farmer's
daughter librarian...
60
00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:09,696
...who spent the long, cold New England
winter writing her manuscript...
61
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:11,930
...by the light of a Ionely oil lamp.
62
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:14,330
C. B:
I'm at a loss here, ladies.
63
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:18,254
I'm afraid I don't know exactly
what Miss Novak's book is about.
64
00:07:18,420 --> 00:07:22,049
Miss Novak's book is a serious work
of nonfiction entitled...
65
00:07:22,220 --> 00:07:24,495
Vikki, excuse me, it's right behind you.
66
00:07:24,660 --> 00:07:26,651
Would you mind pouring me
a cup of coffee?
67
00:07:29,220 --> 00:07:33,816
It's a serious work of nonfiction entitled
Down With Love.
68
00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:37,017
- This is empty.
- lf you're making a pot, I'll have a cup.
69
00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:38,898
- Count me in.
C. W: Likewise.
70
00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:40,459
- Ditto.
- None for me, Vikki.
71
00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:41,848
Thanks, R.J.
72
00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:43,373
I'll have a Sanka.
73
00:07:46,860 --> 00:07:50,455
As I was saying, the central thesis of
Miss Novak's book, Down With Love...
74
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:53,930
...is that women will never be happy
until they become independent...
75
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:57,649
...as individuals by achieving
equal participation in the work force.
76
00:07:57,820 --> 00:08:00,573
And how do you propose
women do this, Miss Novak?
77
00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:04,369
By saying, "Down with love."
78
00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:06,212
Love is a distraction.
79
00:08:06,380 --> 00:08:09,736
If women stopped falling in love,
it would be the end of the human race.
80
00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:10,889
BARBARA:
Not at all.
81
00:08:11,060 --> 00:08:16,817
I say women should refrain from love,
C.W., not sex.
82
00:08:16,980 --> 00:08:18,698
Isn't that the same thing?
83
00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:23,292
I mean, for women.
84
00:08:23,460 --> 00:08:26,770
It won't be, after they've mastered
the three levels in my book...
85
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:30,091
...that will teach any woman
to live life the way a man does.
86
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:35,095
Level 1 instructs women to abstain from
men altogether so they'll stop thinking...
87
00:08:35,260 --> 00:08:38,809
...that the pleasures experienced
during the sex act are related to love.
88
00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:43,770
They're not. As women will learn by
practicing the self-pleasuring technique...
89
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:47,455
...that I've detailed in chapter 7,
entitled:
90
00:08:47,820 --> 00:08:49,253
"Up With Chocolate."
91
00:08:49,420 --> 00:08:53,299
You see, gentlemen, the female
experience is a biological reaction...
92
00:08:53,460 --> 00:08:57,009
...to chocolate that triggers the same
pleasurable responses in the brain...
93
00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:58,898
...as are triggered during sex.
94
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:02,370
By substituting chocolate for sex,
the female will soon learn...
95
00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:05,213
...the difference between sex and love.
96
00:09:05,380 --> 00:09:09,134
Love for a man
will no longer occupy her mind.
97
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:13,259
She will now find that she has the time
and the energy to move on to Level 2...
98
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:17,129
...where taking on new challenges will
lead to the self-sufficience of Level 3...
99
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:21,088
...where the woman becomes active in
the workplace and earns and achieves...
100
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:25,651
...an unequivocal equality with men.
101
00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:32,258
And all this time the woman
is abstaining from sex?
102
00:09:32,420 --> 00:09:33,853
Heavens, no.
103
00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:38,377
By Level 3, she can have sex
whenever she likes, without love...
104
00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:43,853
...and enjoy it the way a man does,
"à la carte."
105
00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:50,452
Well, Miss Novak,
your theories may have worked...
106
00:09:50,620 --> 00:09:53,771
...with the gentlemen up in Maine,
but the men in Manhattan...
107
00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:57,376
...are not the fine, upstanding,
straightforward men of Maine.
108
00:09:57,540 --> 00:10:01,294
The men of Manhattan are devious.
They're dangerous.
109
00:10:01,460 --> 00:10:03,451
They'll be coming at you
from every angle.
110
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:06,214
When you're watching your front,
they'll attack the rear.
111
00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:09,611
And when you're protecting your rear,
they'll drop out of the sky.
112
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,771
[BOSSA NOVA TRIPLETS
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
113
00:10:17,540 --> 00:10:20,612
BOSSA NOVA GIRL:
One more kiss.
114
00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:28,576
- Easy, baby. Careful you don't fall out.
- Oh!
115
00:10:30,140 --> 00:10:31,129
Bye-bye.
116
00:10:39,620 --> 00:10:42,851
RECEPTIONIST:
Very good. I'll let him know.
117
00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:45,898
Mr. McMannus, Catcher Block
has just landed on the roof.
118
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,091
[WOMEN GASPING
AND CLEARING THROATS]
119
00:10:55,260 --> 00:10:56,773
WOMAN:
Know magazine.
120
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:04,134
- Are you Catcher Block's secretary?
- Yes, Mr. McMannus.
121
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:06,291
I'm Sally. I'm new.
122
00:11:06,460 --> 00:11:10,169
They're always new. When he gets in,
tell him to see me. He's fired.
123
00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:15,893
- You're fired.
CATCHER: No, I'm not.
124
00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:17,413
Oh, yes, you are.
125
00:11:17,580 --> 00:11:20,492
You can take your Pulitzer
and your beloved Underwood...
126
00:11:20,660 --> 00:11:23,049
...and your change of underwear
and clear out.
127
00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:25,051
Do you work for me?
128
00:11:27,580 --> 00:11:30,458
You had a story due yesterday,
but I gave you more time.
129
00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:35,091
I held the presses so you could get
your scoop on Nazis hiding in Argentina.
130
00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:37,330
Then I see this.
131
00:11:38,420 --> 00:11:39,819
"Item:
132
00:11:39,980 --> 00:11:43,017
Know magazine's star journalist,
Catcher Block, ladies' man...
133
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:47,139
...man's man, man about town,
was seen leaving the Copa last night...
134
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:50,656
...with a doggy bag and three girls
from the floor show."
135
00:11:50,820 --> 00:11:53,129
I took the bossa nova triplets
to Cocoa Beach.
136
00:11:53,300 --> 00:11:54,619
NASA was throwing a luau.
137
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:57,214
Oh, well, I hope you enjoyed it.
138
00:11:57,380 --> 00:12:00,417
Because unless you found Nazis
hiding at your luau, you're fired.
139
00:12:02,540 --> 00:12:06,658
There were Nazis hiding at your luau!
I knew you'd do it.
140
00:12:06,820 --> 00:12:08,219
What do you got for me, Catch?
141
00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:12,055
CATCHER: Argentina isn't the only hiding
place. They're hiding in Florida too.
142
00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:14,256
Wow. How? Who's hiding them?
143
00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:16,775
- We are.
- We... Americans?
144
00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:19,454
Why? Nazis are bad. We're good.
145
00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:22,339
Yeah, but some bad Nazis
are good scientists.
146
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:26,129
Like the guy building the rocket to land
on the moon and win us the space race.
147
00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:29,212
He's a Nazi. And I saw
the top-secret file to prove it.
148
00:12:29,380 --> 00:12:33,009
- Here, I brought you a souvenir.
- Whoa!
149
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:38,729
A top-secret NASA
security clearance badge.
150
00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:41,778
- How did you get this?
- Blame it on the bossa nova.
151
00:12:42,780 --> 00:12:45,533
- The triplets?
- Yeah.
152
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:52,173
You see, Lo shakes her maracas
and Rosa bounces her bongos...
153
00:12:52,340 --> 00:12:57,539
...while Nena is all hands.
120 words a minute.
154
00:12:57,700 --> 00:13:00,089
The story, it's written?
155
00:13:00,260 --> 00:13:02,171
Whoa, Catch!
156
00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:04,808
But is it safe to print?
NASA is gonna blow its stack.
157
00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:08,859
Well, they forgave Germany,
they can forgive us.
158
00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:11,773
Get someone from Legal up here.
159
00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:15,817
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
160
00:13:15,980 --> 00:13:16,969
Yes, sir.
161
00:13:17,140 --> 00:13:20,337
My analyst says I only react
to you with such vehement loathing...
162
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,331
...because I admire you so much.
163
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:25,333
He says I resent you
for being a self-made man.
164
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,889
As opposed to the son
of a self-made man.
165
00:13:28,060 --> 00:13:31,496
Here, I hope you have your garters
from last night. There's none in here.
166
00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:33,059
Garters?
167
00:13:33,220 --> 00:13:35,688
I haven't worn garters
since Nixon conceded.
168
00:13:35,860 --> 00:13:37,691
What are you, turning into a beatnik?
169
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:41,455
Oh, step into the future, Mac,
garters are a thing of the past.
170
00:13:43,340 --> 00:13:45,854
I don't know, Catch.
171
00:13:46,020 --> 00:13:48,818
I have enough of an insecurity
complex without worrying...
172
00:13:48,980 --> 00:13:51,619
...about my socks falling down.
173
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:56,049
How can you know you won't show
a shiny shin when you cross your legs?
174
00:13:56,220 --> 00:13:57,699
It's a miracle of the space age.
175
00:13:57,860 --> 00:14:03,014
Sock manufacturers are using new
fibers like Lycra, Orlon and Dacron...
176
00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:06,013
...to put super stay-up power
into their over-the-calf sock.
177
00:14:07,340 --> 00:14:09,376
PETER: What is the average length
for most men?
178
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:10,609
CATCHER:
How would I know?
179
00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:13,453
Do you think I spend time
in the locker room looking around...
180
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:16,817
...making a comparative study?
- Let me see yours again, then.
181
00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:21,610
- We could measure. I'll get a ruler.
- Better make it a yardstick.
182
00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:24,931
Let's be accurate.
Make sure you've got it fully extended.
183
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,056
Here you have it. Up the whole way.
184
00:14:27,220 --> 00:14:29,814
CATCHER: It stays up all the way
all day long, Mac.
185
00:14:29,980 --> 00:14:33,336
That's the miracle I told you about.
Better living through chemistry.
186
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,331
You got 16 inches.
187
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,889
Sixteen inches!
188
00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:40,290
How long does a man 's hose
have to be?
189
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:43,020
That's 32 inches of confidence
in every step.
190
00:14:43,180 --> 00:14:45,535
Don't forget, I've got two of them.
191
00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:49,138
[RATTLING]
192
00:14:50,260 --> 00:14:52,490
I don't believe it.
You went through another one.
193
00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:53,934
That's three this month.
194
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:57,012
What is it about the workplace
that women can't seem to handle?
195
00:14:58,060 --> 00:15:00,369
Men. They want us to fail.
196
00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:02,531
Inviting me to New York
to launch my book...
197
00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:04,975
...when they have no intention
of promoting it.
198
00:15:05,140 --> 00:15:07,495
- Don't worry. I have a plan.
- You do?
199
00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:11,289
Remember when you called to say you'd
like publicity where men would see it?
200
00:15:11,460 --> 00:15:15,055
"Perhaps in a men's magazine," you said.
A prestigious men's magazine.
201
00:15:15,220 --> 00:15:18,656
The most widely circulated
and highly respected men's magazine.
202
00:15:18,820 --> 00:15:20,811
- Know?
- Yes, you did.
203
00:15:20,980 --> 00:15:23,858
No, I mean Know.
Know magazine for men in the know.
204
00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:25,817
Oh. Yes, exactly.
205
00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:28,813
- You got us advertising in Know?
- I did better.
206
00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:34,054
I got you a cover story written by Know
magazine's star journalist, Catcher Block.
207
00:15:34,220 --> 00:15:37,451
Catcher Block? The ladies' man,
man's man, man about town?
208
00:15:37,620 --> 00:15:41,295
Oh, Vikki, you're the best friend
a girl from Maine who wrote a book...
209
00:15:41,460 --> 00:15:43,576
...and came to New York
could ever have.
210
00:15:43,740 --> 00:15:49,053
You don't know the half of it. I hear
Catcher Block is gorgeous and eligible.
211
00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:52,376
Not that that matters to us.
212
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:54,212
Down with love.
213
00:15:54,380 --> 00:15:57,531
I can't believe it.
Me on the cover of Know.
214
00:15:57,700 --> 00:15:58,815
Know.
215
00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:00,698
- No.
PETER: Catch, please, I promised.
216
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,339
It's one cover story.
217
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:05,970
A girl's never called me in my life,
let alone invited me for a drink.
218
00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:09,610
I think this Vikki really likes me.
I think I might really like her.
219
00:16:09,780 --> 00:16:11,418
I'm sure I would if she likes me.
220
00:16:11,580 --> 00:16:14,378
And she does, because I told her
as owner of Know magazine...
221
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:15,814
...I had pull with my staff.
222
00:16:15,980 --> 00:16:19,211
Then pull your staff with one
of your other writers. I'm not doing it.
223
00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:20,972
No, it can't be anyone else.
224
00:16:21,140 --> 00:16:22,971
The best thing
I have to offer a woman...
225
00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:25,176
...is the same thing
you offer a woman. You.
226
00:16:25,340 --> 00:16:27,615
Yeah, but I'm all tied up, Mac.
I'm using me.
227
00:16:27,780 --> 00:16:30,419
Come on. It'll be fun.
228
00:16:30,580 --> 00:16:32,889
- You like fun.
- Fun?
229
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:36,530
Interviewing a man-hating, embittered
New England spinster librarian?
230
00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:38,133
How do you know what she's like?
231
00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:40,575
Who else would write a book called
Down With Love?
232
00:16:40,740 --> 00:16:43,777
You don't have to be a Nazi
rocket scientist to figure that out.
233
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:45,771
Catch, please, please, please, please.
234
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:51,049
I hope you won't be disappointed.
235
00:17:18,460 --> 00:17:22,692
Oh, Vikki, it's adorable.
236
00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:24,534
[PHONE RINGING]
237
00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:28,736
My first New York phone call.
238
00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:30,413
It must be Know magazine.
239
00:17:30,580 --> 00:17:32,536
No one else has your number.
240
00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:36,254
- It must be Catcher Block.
- Oh!
241
00:17:39,460 --> 00:17:42,258
- This is Barbara Novak.
- This is Catcher Block.
242
00:17:42,420 --> 00:17:45,935
Catcher Block? Catcher Block?
243
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:48,739
- Know magazine.
- Oh, yes, of course.
244
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,379
What can I do for you, Mr. Block?
245
00:17:50,540 --> 00:17:51,529
[LAUGHING]
246
00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:53,816
I think it's what
I can do for you, Miss Novak.
247
00:17:53,980 --> 00:17:56,494
I'd like to invite you to lunch
to discuss your book.
248
00:17:56,660 --> 00:18:00,050
Well, that sounds very nice,
but I'll have to check my schedule...
249
00:18:00,220 --> 00:18:01,539
...to see when I'm available.
250
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:04,897
We've already ordered. Can you be
in the Mahogany Room in 10 minutes?
251
00:18:05,060 --> 00:18:07,574
I'm afraid that will be impossible,
Mr. Block.
252
00:18:07,740 --> 00:18:09,139
Well, some other time, then.
253
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:12,053
Right, I'll see you in 15.
254
00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:14,936
[SCREAMING]
255
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:19,049
Catch, you are the best friend a guy
with 20 diagnosed neuroses ever had.
256
00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:22,098
We've been friends a long time.
I knew you when you had 12.
257
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:26,936
Oh, this is great. I'll be right back.
Gotta go put in my shoe lifts.
258
00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:33,573
- Guess who?
- As if I'd need to guess.
259
00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:35,970
- Tell me my name.
- Tell me you love me.
260
00:18:36,140 --> 00:18:37,778
Blimey, Catch, you know I love you.
261
00:18:37,940 --> 00:18:40,135
And I love you too, Gwendolyn.
262
00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:41,972
[CHUCKLING]
263
00:18:45,780 --> 00:18:47,850
- How long's your layover?
- Never long enough.
264
00:18:48,020 --> 00:18:50,818
There's always time for a matinee.
265
00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:43,774
Well, hello, Peter.
266
00:19:43,940 --> 00:19:46,500
Barbara Novak, Peter McMannus.
267
00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:48,730
Nice to meet you, Mr. McMannus.
268
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:50,174
VIKKl:
Where's Mr. Block?
269
00:19:50,340 --> 00:19:52,376
Yes, Mr. McMannus,
where's Mr. Block?
270
00:19:52,540 --> 00:19:53,939
I don't know.
271
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:58,491
- Henri, where is Mr. Block?
- I don't know.
272
00:19:58,660 --> 00:20:02,209
- Mr. Block for you, Mr. McMannus.
- Ah.
273
00:20:03,380 --> 00:20:05,211
Here he is now.
274
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:10,251
- Catcher.
CATCHER: Mac.
275
00:20:10,420 --> 00:20:14,129
- Where are you?
- Something sprung up. Is she there?
276
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:17,451
PETER: Yes, she is.
- Let me speak to the spinster.
277
00:20:17,620 --> 00:20:20,896
Mr. Block would like to speak with you.
278
00:20:24,260 --> 00:20:27,172
- This is Barbara Novak.
- I'm so sorry, Miss Novak.
279
00:20:27,340 --> 00:20:28,773
The darndest thing.
280
00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:31,932
I was waiting for you at the bar
and a little English foxhound...
281
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:35,172
...walked right in, came up to me
and started nuzzling me.
282
00:20:35,340 --> 00:20:38,412
She seemed so lost, and didn't
want to go with anyone else...
283
00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:43,017
...so I just had to take care of her.
- Mr. Block, that is so thoughtful.
284
00:20:43,180 --> 00:20:46,172
I remember reading that
the true test of a man's character...
285
00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:48,649
...is how he treats
a defenseless creature.
286
00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:52,130
Tell me, Mr. Block,
how is the little bitch now?
287
00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:56,737
Well, I've got her all nestled in a box,
but I don't think she'll be content...
288
00:20:56,900 --> 00:20:58,253
...until I'm holding her.
289
00:20:58,420 --> 00:21:01,139
Miss Novak, could we
rain check until dinner?
290
00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:02,892
Of course.
291
00:21:03,060 --> 00:21:08,088
- Well, goodbye, Mr. Block. Until dinner.
- Goodbye.
292
00:21:25,260 --> 00:21:26,773
This is Barbara Novak.
293
00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:30,979
Miss Novak, I am so sorry,
the darndest thing.
294
00:21:31,140 --> 00:21:32,414
Yes, Mr. Block.
295
00:21:32,580 --> 00:21:35,299
I'm out in the park with
my little French poodle...
296
00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:39,089
...and she's just not ready to go in yet,
if you know what I mean.
297
00:21:39,260 --> 00:21:40,659
Oh, I do.
298
00:21:40,820 --> 00:21:44,210
But here's a little advice
from a farm girl to a city boy.
299
00:21:44,380 --> 00:21:47,292
You'll find that if you stick
a little twig in her bottom...
300
00:21:47,460 --> 00:21:50,657
...she'll remember why she
went out with you in the first place.
301
00:21:50,820 --> 00:21:52,651
I'll keep that in mind.
302
00:21:52,820 --> 00:21:57,211
Miss Novak, I hate to ask, but could we
rain check until breakfast?
303
00:21:57,380 --> 00:22:01,293
Of course. Goodbye, Mr. Block.
Until breakfast.
304
00:22:04,100 --> 00:22:06,534
[CROWD CHEERING]
305
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:11,288
I just don't know.
It's not like Catch to be late.
306
00:22:11,460 --> 00:22:14,577
No, he usually calls to cancel
right on time.
307
00:22:14,740 --> 00:22:18,858
Oh, Barbara, I'm sure he'll call.
I mean come.
308
00:22:19,700 --> 00:22:22,772
Elke and I missed you at lunch
yesterday, Gwendolyn.
309
00:22:22,940 --> 00:22:27,536
Oh, I took in a matinee
with Catcher Block.
310
00:22:29,260 --> 00:22:31,057
Is that so?
311
00:22:31,220 --> 00:22:33,654
Elke and I missed you
at dinner last night, Yvette.
312
00:22:33,820 --> 00:22:36,459
I took in a night game
with Catcher Block.
313
00:22:39,740 --> 00:22:41,776
I told him I'd give up flying for him.
314
00:22:41,940 --> 00:22:43,259
YVETTE:
I did too.
315
00:22:43,420 --> 00:22:46,457
- Now I wonder if he ever loved me.
- I wonder if he even cared.
316
00:22:48,340 --> 00:22:50,058
I wonder what's keeping Elke.
317
00:23:01,020 --> 00:23:02,499
This is Barbara Novak.
318
00:23:02,660 --> 00:23:05,493
I'm so sorry, Miss Novak.
The darndest thing.
319
00:23:05,660 --> 00:23:08,538
I got waylaid by the sweetest
Swedish Lapphund...
320
00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:11,931
...who kept me up half the night,
and I'm afraid I'm still in bed.
321
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:15,410
My, you do get way laid.
322
00:23:15,580 --> 00:23:17,810
- Would you care for another beverage?
- Thank you.
323
00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:20,540
- I beg your pardon?
- I was saying thank you, Miss Novak.
324
00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,372
You are very understanding.
325
00:23:22,540 --> 00:23:24,417
Could we rain check until lunch?
326
00:23:24,580 --> 00:23:28,493
Oh, Mr. Block,
you can take your rain check...
327
00:23:28,660 --> 00:23:31,413
...and as we say
on the farm at harvest time...
328
00:23:31,580 --> 00:23:34,299
...put it where the sun does not shine.
329
00:23:34,460 --> 00:23:38,055
Miss Novak, if you're looking to get
dinner, then just say so.
330
00:23:38,220 --> 00:23:41,576
Oh, Mr. Block.
331
00:23:41,740 --> 00:23:46,860
I wouldn't meet with you
in 100 years.
332
00:23:47,020 --> 00:23:51,298
Goodbye, Mr. Block. Forever!
333
00:23:56,900 --> 00:23:59,334
Mr. McMannus,
thank you for your trouble.
334
00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:01,377
Not at all.
335
00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:04,691
Vikki, I'll call a taxi.
336
00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:11,178
- Guess this means we're through.
- Oh, it's sad, isn't it?
337
00:24:11,340 --> 00:24:14,491
This is the first time I've eliminated
having a future with a man...
338
00:24:14,660 --> 00:24:16,935
...before we've had the chance
to have had a past.
339
00:24:17,100 --> 00:24:19,568
Goodbye, Mr. McMannus.
340
00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:27,334
[BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYS]
341
00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:29,536
PETER:
It was nice while it lasted.
342
00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:33,409
I haven't had dinner and breakfast with
the same woman since I had a nanny.
343
00:24:33,580 --> 00:24:36,253
I'm sorry, Peter, but Vikki
is not the only girl for you.
344
00:24:36,420 --> 00:24:37,853
That's why I brought you here.
345
00:24:38,020 --> 00:24:42,059
You brought me here
because we're buddies, right?
346
00:24:42,220 --> 00:24:43,335
Bosom buddies.
347
00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:45,172
[CROWD WHISTLING]
348
00:24:57,220 --> 00:25:00,610
- Get a load of those rockets.
- Here's to antigravity.
349
00:25:00,780 --> 00:25:02,691
Stay with me, buddy.
You'll get the spins.
350
00:25:02,860 --> 00:25:05,499
And whatever you do,
don't close your eyes.
351
00:25:05,660 --> 00:25:08,299
Don't close your eyes.
352
00:25:08,860 --> 00:25:12,535
Open your eyes. Open your eyes.
353
00:25:13,740 --> 00:25:16,254
Ta-da! It's your book.
354
00:25:17,580 --> 00:25:19,491
VIKKl:
On sale, Scribners Fifth Avenue.
355
00:25:20,260 --> 00:25:22,376
One?
356
00:25:22,540 --> 00:25:24,258
Just one?
357
00:25:25,700 --> 00:25:29,010
All that work, and, and, and one.
358
00:25:29,180 --> 00:25:32,889
If somebody buys it,
well, then there will be none.
359
00:25:33,060 --> 00:25:36,052
It'll be as if it never even existed.
360
00:25:36,220 --> 00:25:39,496
No, no. Doubleday also has one.
361
00:25:39,660 --> 00:25:40,854
[CASH REGISTER RINGS]
362
00:25:41,380 --> 00:25:43,974
Barbara, I know you're thinking
this is a real setback...
363
00:25:44,140 --> 00:25:46,370
...but I promise you
I will think of something.
364
00:25:50,540 --> 00:25:53,134
If only we could get your book
on The Ed Sullivan Show.
365
00:25:53,300 --> 00:25:54,619
Yeah.
366
00:25:55,660 --> 00:25:59,812
How exactly do you get a book
on The Ed Sullivan Show?
367
00:26:01,740 --> 00:26:03,219
BARBARA:
Vikki, you're incredible.
368
00:26:03,380 --> 00:26:05,848
She wasn't even on the bill.
How did they fit her in?
369
00:26:06,020 --> 00:26:08,659
Oh, the best luck.
The Singing Nun fell off her scooter...
370
00:26:08,820 --> 00:26:10,890
...coming across the Triborough Bridge.
371
00:26:11,060 --> 00:26:14,257
I guess somebody up there likes me.
372
00:26:14,420 --> 00:26:16,172
ED SULLIVAN:
- a really big surprise.
373
00:26:16,340 --> 00:26:22,017
Because it coincides with the arrival
of a new book, Down With Love...
374
00:26:22,180 --> 00:26:25,616
... which this week is at your
booksellers from coast to coast.
375
00:26:25,780 --> 00:26:31,730
We have a very, very special friend
of our show to do a song of that book.
376
00:26:31,900 --> 00:26:38,339
Now, I want a really big, warm
welcome for Judy Garland.
377
00:26:38,500 --> 00:26:40,809
[CROWD CLAPPING]
378
00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:47,251
[SINGS "DOWN WITH LOVE"]
379
00:27:04,740 --> 00:27:06,935
[BO Y LAUGHING]
380
00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:25,773
Yes, ma'am.
Down With Love by Barbara Novak.
381
00:27:25,940 --> 00:27:28,090
It's called Down With Love
by Barbara Novak.
382
00:27:48,300 --> 00:27:50,689
[CHATTERING]
383
00:27:53,660 --> 00:27:55,776
[DOORBELL RINGS]
384
00:28:01,860 --> 00:28:03,930
[BICYCLE BELLS RINGING]
385
00:28:29,140 --> 00:28:31,051
[CASH REGISTER RINGING]
386
00:28:35,020 --> 00:28:37,136
[CHILDREN YELLING]
387
00:28:43,700 --> 00:28:45,338
Ow!
388
00:28:54,540 --> 00:28:57,338
[SCREAMING]
389
00:28:59,220 --> 00:29:02,053
[CROWD CLAPPING]
390
00:29:22,540 --> 00:29:23,973
You said she was a spinster.
391
00:29:24,140 --> 00:29:26,370
I never used the word spinster
in my life.
392
00:29:26,540 --> 00:29:30,294
Okay, once. When I told my mother it
was incorrect to call her son a spinster.
393
00:29:30,460 --> 00:29:32,974
- You said she was a brunette.
- I did not.
394
00:29:33,140 --> 00:29:36,257
She didn't sound blond on the phone.
Do you still wanna date Vikki?
395
00:29:36,420 --> 00:29:38,411
Of course. You think
I wanna die a spinster?
396
00:29:38,580 --> 00:29:40,411
Call her. Tell her I'll do
the cover story.
397
00:29:40,580 --> 00:29:42,571
Oh, Catch, you are the best friend
a guy...
398
00:29:42,740 --> 00:29:45,538
Just call.
399
00:29:45,740 --> 00:29:49,892
MAN: Not since Johann Gutenberg's
invention of the printing press...
400
00:29:50,060 --> 00:29:53,496
...which changed forever the landscape
of man's destiny...
401
00:29:53,660 --> 00:29:57,573
...has one book reached so many
and achieved so much.
402
00:29:57,740 --> 00:30:01,289
Reminding all of us here today
of the noble goal...
403
00:30:01,460 --> 00:30:05,897
...which called us to toil in the field
of publishing to begin with:
404
00:30:06,260 --> 00:30:07,898
Sales.
405
00:30:08,060 --> 00:30:11,894
So here's to Banner House's
new number one author...
406
00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:15,655
...and our new number one editor.
407
00:30:16,260 --> 00:30:18,569
Say cheers, everyone.
408
00:30:18,740 --> 00:30:20,537
Cheers.
409
00:30:21,260 --> 00:30:23,012
VIKKl:
Those men are livid, B.N.
410
00:30:23,180 --> 00:30:25,091
You're a hit. You're bigger
than the pill.
411
00:30:25,260 --> 00:30:28,093
Oh, talk about big, V.H.
412
00:30:28,260 --> 00:30:31,172
This office is huge. Congratulations.
413
00:30:31,340 --> 00:30:33,296
We did it.
414
00:30:33,460 --> 00:30:36,179
Well, hello, Gladys.
415
00:30:36,340 --> 00:30:37,489
You look wonderful.
416
00:30:37,660 --> 00:30:41,096
As you told me, Barbara,
it's never too late.
417
00:30:41,260 --> 00:30:46,539
Oh, Vikki, Peter McMannus called again.
Now it's every half-hour.
418
00:30:46,940 --> 00:30:48,737
Tell him we're too busy.
419
00:30:49,140 --> 00:30:51,779
What do you mean? Too busy?
420
00:30:51,940 --> 00:30:54,898
You know what it means.
They hate us.
421
00:30:55,060 --> 00:30:58,177
CATCHER: Too busy? Kennedy,
Khrushchev and Castro...
422
00:30:58,340 --> 00:31:01,969
...weren't too busy during the Cuban
Missile Crisis to sit down and talk to me.
423
00:31:02,140 --> 00:31:05,337
But this Down With Love chick
is too busy?
424
00:31:05,540 --> 00:31:07,895
Doing what? Eating chocolate?
425
00:31:08,060 --> 00:31:10,449
MAN OVER TV:
I'm sorry, panel, you've been stumped.
426
00:31:10,620 --> 00:31:12,815
The author of the bestseller
Down With Love...
427
00:31:13,020 --> 00:31:15,614
- It's Novak!
- ... Barbara Novak.
428
00:31:15,820 --> 00:31:16,809
[CROWD CLAPPING]
429
00:31:16,980 --> 00:31:19,699
Barbara, I know every woman bought
your book. And every man...
430
00:31:19,860 --> 00:31:23,091
... sneaked out and bought it to find out
what their women were reading.
431
00:31:23,260 --> 00:31:25,376
Oh, well, that's when the sales doubled.
432
00:31:25,580 --> 00:31:27,775
But then they tripled.
How did that happen?
433
00:31:27,980 --> 00:31:31,609
It seems that church groups
in the Bible belt were so zealous...
434
00:31:31,780 --> 00:31:35,375
... about being seen burning my book
that every time they had a bonfire...
435
00:31:35,540 --> 00:31:38,850
... they would call the next day and
reorder, so they could have another one.
436
00:31:39,020 --> 00:31:40,976
[CHUCKLING]
437
00:31:43,060 --> 00:31:45,893
Now, I've heard a lot of talk
about Chapter 8...
438
00:31:46,060 --> 00:31:49,097
... about the worst kind of man,
the kind every woman should avoid.
439
00:31:49,260 --> 00:31:51,091
- What's that title again?
- Oh, yes.
440
00:31:51,260 --> 00:31:54,616
Men Who Change Women As
Often As They Change Their Shirts.
441
00:31:55,220 --> 00:31:58,929
EMCEE: And have you met a lot of
that kind of man in your research?
442
00:31:59,140 --> 00:32:01,449
You're not asking me to name names,
are you?
443
00:32:01,660 --> 00:32:03,139
No, of course not.
444
00:32:03,340 --> 00:32:04,773
[BARBARA CHUCKLING]
445
00:32:04,940 --> 00:32:07,932
- Catcher Block.
CROWD: Oh!
446
00:32:14,060 --> 00:32:15,652
Wow.
447
00:32:17,260 --> 00:32:19,296
Four million women in the naked city...
448
00:32:19,460 --> 00:32:23,692
...and the one you let get away, the one
you had to get on the bad side of...
449
00:32:23,860 --> 00:32:28,490
...is the woman all the other four million
are listening to.
450
00:32:28,700 --> 00:32:30,099
[PETER CHUCKLING]
451
00:32:30,260 --> 00:32:33,172
You blew it, buddy.
452
00:32:33,340 --> 00:32:38,653
The age of Catcher Block, ladies' man,
man's man, man about town, is over.
453
00:32:38,860 --> 00:32:40,578
The king is dead.
454
00:32:40,740 --> 00:32:44,289
I hate to spoil your fun, Mac, but
the four million women I go out with...
455
00:32:44,460 --> 00:32:46,291
...don't listen to Barbara Novak.
456
00:32:46,460 --> 00:32:48,098
[PHONE RINGS]
457
00:32:50,060 --> 00:32:51,891
Hello.
458
00:32:52,060 --> 00:32:55,848
Hey, Gwendolyn, baby.
Where are you?
459
00:32:56,340 --> 00:32:59,457
Well, then get out of the airport.
We have reservations for 10:00.
460
00:33:00,340 --> 00:33:04,731
Well, you can't sit in the terminal till
3 a.m. Aren't you gonna get hungry?
461
00:33:04,940 --> 00:33:09,775
No, I'm pretty full. Besides, I have
to catch up on some reading.
462
00:33:09,980 --> 00:33:14,053
Reading? Reading what?
463
00:33:16,460 --> 00:33:18,928
Good night, Gwendolyn.
464
00:33:23,660 --> 00:33:27,414
What's the matter, Catch?
Lose another one?
465
00:33:27,620 --> 00:33:30,896
I am going to bury that Novak broad...
466
00:33:31,060 --> 00:33:34,769
...and turn this crazy upside-down-
with-Iove world right side up again.
467
00:33:34,940 --> 00:33:38,091
I'm gonna write the exposé of
the century, so the world will know...
468
00:33:38,260 --> 00:33:40,979
...once and for all that deep down,
all women are the same.
469
00:33:41,140 --> 00:33:43,370
They all want the same thing:
love and marriage.
470
00:33:43,540 --> 00:33:48,455
Even Miss Barbara "Down With Love"
Novak. And I am going to prove it.
471
00:33:48,660 --> 00:33:51,049
How? Novak won't even see you.
472
00:33:51,660 --> 00:33:56,131
That's right. That's why Novak
won't even see me coming.
473
00:34:03,460 --> 00:34:05,894
Barbara, you're not dressed.
Aren't you coming?
474
00:34:06,060 --> 00:34:08,494
No. I'm just gonna stay in tonight.
475
00:34:08,660 --> 00:34:10,696
Why? Because you don't have a date?
476
00:34:10,860 --> 00:34:14,091
My date's a quarterback with 27
teammates. I'm sure he can fix you up.
477
00:34:14,300 --> 00:34:19,374
I'm sure he couldn't.
I am persona non grata to all men.
478
00:34:19,540 --> 00:34:22,293
I can't even get picked up
by a taxi driver.
479
00:34:22,460 --> 00:34:25,816
Now, this is crazy.
All of this fame and success...
480
00:34:25,980 --> 00:34:29,416
...and Miss Sex à la Carte is the only
woman who can't have sex à la carte.
481
00:34:29,580 --> 00:34:31,411
At least not on this earth.
482
00:34:31,580 --> 00:34:35,175
Maybe we can find you an astronaut
who's been in orbit the past two weeks.
483
00:34:35,340 --> 00:34:38,332
It's all right, Vikki. I'm perfectly content
on my own.
484
00:34:38,540 --> 00:34:42,533
Well, when it comes to not needing
a man, you wrote the book.
485
00:34:43,780 --> 00:34:45,213
[DOOR CLOSES]
486
00:35:04,580 --> 00:35:05,569
- Taxi!
- Wait a minute.
487
00:35:05,740 --> 00:35:09,050
- I have to pick up my dry cleaning.
- Can't. Gotta go back to the office.
488
00:35:09,220 --> 00:35:11,415
Skip in Research is doing a fact-check
on Novak.
489
00:35:11,580 --> 00:35:14,697
Who she knows, where she goes, what
she likes for dinner, à la carte.
490
00:35:14,860 --> 00:35:18,296
Two minutes? I waited for you
to eat your hot dog.
491
00:35:19,860 --> 00:35:22,772
You're right. I'll pick up your cleaning.
Go back to the office.
492
00:35:22,980 --> 00:35:24,379
Oh, but l...
493
00:35:24,700 --> 00:35:25,689
Ow!
494
00:35:27,300 --> 00:35:30,258
Oh, make sure they starch the socks.
495
00:35:48,540 --> 00:35:49,655
[BELL DINGING]
496
00:35:49,820 --> 00:35:51,731
DRY CLEANER:
I'm getting it.
497
00:35:51,940 --> 00:35:54,579
- You iron.
- No, you iron...
498
00:35:54,740 --> 00:35:57,937
...and I'll spend all day up front
kibitzing with the customers.
499
00:35:58,460 --> 00:36:00,416
We're equal now.
500
00:36:00,620 --> 00:36:02,451
Again with that book.
501
00:36:10,460 --> 00:36:12,416
Hello, Novak.
502
00:36:12,580 --> 00:36:15,378
BARBARA:
Hello, Mrs. Litzer.
503
00:36:15,540 --> 00:36:17,258
Where's Mr. Litzer?
504
00:36:17,460 --> 00:36:19,371
He's ironing.
505
00:36:20,060 --> 00:36:23,097
Irving, say hello to Novak.
506
00:36:23,740 --> 00:36:25,332
Hello, Novak.
507
00:36:25,740 --> 00:36:27,093
I'll get your things, dear.
508
00:36:27,260 --> 00:36:29,410
BARBARA:
Thank you.
509
00:36:31,260 --> 00:36:33,854
Yours too, mister.
510
00:36:41,540 --> 00:36:44,771
Pardon me, miss, but you
sure look familiar. Are you...?
511
00:36:44,940 --> 00:36:46,692
Yes, I am.
512
00:36:46,860 --> 00:36:50,296
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.
Wait till I tell the folks back home...
513
00:36:50,460 --> 00:36:54,692
...I took my clothes to the same
dry cleaners as Miss Kim Novik.
514
00:36:54,860 --> 00:36:57,294
No, no, my name is Novak.
515
00:36:57,460 --> 00:36:59,894
Oh, that's right. Miss Kim Novak.
516
00:37:00,060 --> 00:37:04,417
No, no, I'm not Kim Novak.
I'm Barbara Novak.
517
00:37:04,580 --> 00:37:05,729
Oh.
518
00:37:06,300 --> 00:37:09,053
Oh, well, that doesn't ring a bell.
519
00:37:10,060 --> 00:37:11,937
You mean you've never heard of me?
520
00:37:12,140 --> 00:37:13,368
Oh, I'm sorry.
521
00:37:13,540 --> 00:37:15,770
Oh, no. No, don't be.
522
00:37:15,940 --> 00:37:18,249
I find it very refreshing.
523
00:37:19,140 --> 00:37:21,574
You, Mr. Absent-minded Professor.
524
00:37:21,740 --> 00:37:23,890
You left a lot of things
in your pockets.
525
00:37:24,060 --> 00:37:26,528
Why, thank you, ma'am.
526
00:37:27,660 --> 00:37:29,890
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
527
00:37:30,060 --> 00:37:32,893
Do you mean that you've never heard
of my book...
528
00:37:33,060 --> 00:37:35,733
...the worldwide sensation,
Down With Love?
529
00:37:35,940 --> 00:37:38,454
No, ma'am, I have not.
530
00:37:38,940 --> 00:37:41,818
But lately, I've been out of this world.
531
00:37:42,020 --> 00:37:47,094
Oh, look, my NASA security badge.
I've been looking all over for that.
532
00:37:47,260 --> 00:37:50,332
- You're an astronaut?
- Why, yes, I am.
533
00:37:50,540 --> 00:37:53,418
Well, what's your name?
Maybe I've heard of you.
534
00:37:55,020 --> 00:37:56,294
Zip.
535
00:37:56,740 --> 00:37:59,049
Zip...?
536
00:38:00,620 --> 00:38:03,054
Martin. Major Zip Martin.
537
00:38:03,460 --> 00:38:06,293
Well, tell me, major...
538
00:38:06,460 --> 00:38:10,089
...are those parties in Cocoa Beach
as wild and uncivilized as they seem?
539
00:38:10,260 --> 00:38:14,299
Oh, now, I couldn't say, ma'am.
I'm not much for going to parties.
540
00:38:14,460 --> 00:38:18,976
My idea of a good time is to sit at home
with a good book...
541
00:38:19,140 --> 00:38:22,735
...and smoke my pipe.
542
00:38:24,020 --> 00:38:27,410
Pay later. Irving's burning the ironing.
543
00:38:27,620 --> 00:38:29,850
Pardon me, miss.
544
00:38:34,660 --> 00:38:37,299
Oh, we're stuck together.
545
00:38:37,460 --> 00:38:39,735
Let me fix that.
546
00:38:43,340 --> 00:38:46,332
There you go, Miss Novak.
547
00:38:53,620 --> 00:38:55,053
Well...
548
00:38:57,380 --> 00:38:59,132
...goodbye.
549
00:38:59,940 --> 00:39:02,773
One, two, three, four.
550
00:39:02,940 --> 00:39:04,658
Zip?
551
00:39:04,860 --> 00:39:06,657
Yes, Miss Novak?
552
00:39:06,860 --> 00:39:10,489
Well, I don't suppose that
you're staying in New York?
553
00:39:10,700 --> 00:39:12,372
Why, yes, I am.
554
00:39:12,540 --> 00:39:15,498
NASA sent me here to work
on a special project.
555
00:39:15,660 --> 00:39:19,448
- A top-secret project.
- Oh?
556
00:39:19,860 --> 00:39:23,170
- Can you keep a secret?
- Yes.
557
00:39:23,380 --> 00:39:24,529
Me too.
558
00:39:24,740 --> 00:39:27,618
Gee, it sure seems like we got
a lot in common.
559
00:39:27,820 --> 00:39:30,698
Why, yes, it does.
560
00:39:30,860 --> 00:39:34,375
It might be nice to see
just what we have in common.
561
00:39:34,540 --> 00:39:37,850
And what we have that's different.
562
00:39:38,020 --> 00:39:39,772
I'm sorry?
563
00:39:39,980 --> 00:39:45,213
Would you like to go to my place and
get to know each other a little better?
564
00:39:45,420 --> 00:39:47,980
- A little better?
- A lot better.
565
00:39:48,180 --> 00:39:52,059
- A lot better than what?
- All the way better.
566
00:39:52,860 --> 00:39:57,092
Oh, gee. No, now, I couldn't do that.
567
00:39:57,260 --> 00:40:00,093
Why, I couldn't get to know you
all the way better...
568
00:40:00,260 --> 00:40:03,172
...until I knew you much, much better.
569
00:40:03,340 --> 00:40:08,130
Do you think that you know me well
enough to let me buy you a drink?
570
00:40:08,540 --> 00:40:10,132
Well...
571
00:40:11,300 --> 00:40:14,815
I'd sure love a Tang.
572
00:40:22,860 --> 00:40:24,498
Lose another pair of glasses?
573
00:40:24,660 --> 00:40:26,298
PETER:
No, I'm keeping a low profile.
574
00:40:26,460 --> 00:40:28,690
Vikki's over there with some guy.
575
00:40:28,860 --> 00:40:31,693
That's not some guy. That's
Johnny Trementus, the quarterback.
576
00:40:31,860 --> 00:40:34,328
Fourteen hundred and thirty-two
complete passes.
577
00:40:34,540 --> 00:40:37,179
Is he going for 1433?
578
00:40:37,340 --> 00:40:41,049
Well, Vikki's left herself wide open,
but Trementus surprisingly fumbles.
579
00:40:41,220 --> 00:40:43,859
Now what's he doing?
In layman's terms.
580
00:40:44,020 --> 00:40:45,976
He's leaving. Now's your chance.
581
00:40:46,180 --> 00:40:48,057
I can't go over there. She hates me.
582
00:40:48,260 --> 00:40:49,898
She doesn't hate you. She hates me.
583
00:40:50,060 --> 00:40:52,494
Now, stop warming the bench
and get in the game.
584
00:40:52,660 --> 00:40:56,448
Once you run my Novak exposé, she will
hate you, and the clock will run out.
585
00:40:56,660 --> 00:40:58,776
Can't you get off your Novak warpath?
586
00:40:58,940 --> 00:41:00,771
Nope. I've got her surrounded.
587
00:41:00,940 --> 00:41:04,012
And it won't take a surprise attack
to enter her teepee.
588
00:41:04,220 --> 00:41:06,495
I'm telling you, Kemosabe,
you want big wampum?
589
00:41:06,660 --> 00:41:07,775
Make Vikki love you now.
590
00:41:07,940 --> 00:41:12,252
Okay, okay, enough
with the football talk. I'm going.
591
00:41:16,060 --> 00:41:18,176
- Here you are, Monsieur Block.
- Thanks, Henri.
592
00:41:18,340 --> 00:41:22,049
Only, from now on it's Maj. Zip Martin.
593
00:41:22,660 --> 00:41:25,174
Spread the word to the other maître d's,
the doormen...
594
00:41:25,340 --> 00:41:27,296
...theater ushers and taxi drivers.
595
00:41:27,540 --> 00:41:32,375
Oui, oui. Done, major.
596
00:41:33,940 --> 00:41:37,933
It'll be all right, McMannus.
Just be normal. Be cool.
597
00:41:41,540 --> 00:41:44,008
Hello, Vikki.
598
00:41:44,220 --> 00:41:46,859
Hello, Peter.
599
00:41:52,140 --> 00:41:54,096
Are you in love
with that football player?
600
00:41:54,860 --> 00:42:00,173
Not anymore. He only wanted one thing,
to slip me his manuscript.
601
00:42:00,340 --> 00:42:03,855
He didn't even have the professional
courtesy to try and seduce me first.
602
00:42:04,060 --> 00:42:06,779
The men who resent my success
won't give me the time of day.
603
00:42:06,940 --> 00:42:10,649
And the men who respect my success
won't give me the time of night.
604
00:42:11,140 --> 00:42:14,098
I don't know about other men,
but I swear if I had the chance...
605
00:42:14,260 --> 00:42:17,935
...I would respect you and resent you
night and day and day and night.
606
00:42:18,140 --> 00:42:20,256
- Peter, you would?
- You bet.
607
00:42:20,460 --> 00:42:22,655
You're on.
608
00:42:26,740 --> 00:42:29,777
Oh, Zip, isn't this exciting?
609
00:42:29,940 --> 00:42:34,092
We must be the only two people in New
York who haven't seen Camelot yet.
610
00:42:34,260 --> 00:42:37,491
You're not just being nice?
You really haven't seen it either?
611
00:42:37,660 --> 00:42:42,336
Oh, I can honestly say I have
never seen this show.
612
00:42:42,500 --> 00:42:44,650
[ORCHESTRA PLAYING]
613
00:43:44,100 --> 00:43:46,819
[CROWD YELLING]
614
00:43:46,980 --> 00:43:48,652
[BELL RINGING]
615
00:43:49,100 --> 00:43:51,011
[BASEBALL BAT HITS BALL]
616
00:44:06,580 --> 00:44:07,569
[INTERCOM BUZZING]
617
00:44:07,740 --> 00:44:09,776
WOMAN: Mr. Block, Mr. McNulty
to see you.
618
00:44:09,940 --> 00:44:12,329
Send him in.
619
00:44:13,940 --> 00:44:17,296
McNulty, good. Look, this should cover
your up-front expenses.
620
00:44:17,460 --> 00:44:20,372
I want you to go up to Maine,
get me all the dirt on Novak.
621
00:44:20,580 --> 00:44:23,777
No girl like that would swear off love
to get ahead in the work force.
622
00:44:23,940 --> 00:44:26,090
Somewhere, sometime,
some guy hurt her.
623
00:44:26,300 --> 00:44:29,815
Now, I need to find him, so I can prove
I'm right and nail my exposé.
624
00:44:30,020 --> 00:44:33,092
Gladly. That broad's book
is bad for business.
625
00:44:33,260 --> 00:44:35,490
Husbands don't want their wives
tailed anymore.
626
00:44:35,660 --> 00:44:39,130
They know if she's sneaking out now,
she's just looking for a job.
627
00:44:39,300 --> 00:44:40,289
[PHONE RINGS]
628
00:44:40,860 --> 00:44:46,571
Hello. Mac. Mac. Mac, calm down.
629
00:44:46,740 --> 00:44:48,651
Okay, I'll be right over.
630
00:44:49,340 --> 00:44:52,889
- Quick, taste my sauce. Too tart?
- This is your big emergency?
631
00:44:53,060 --> 00:44:56,450
Yes. I invited Vikki to dinner.
It has to be perfect...
632
00:44:56,620 --> 00:44:59,453
...so she'll find me irresistible,
and I can make my big move.
633
00:44:59,620 --> 00:45:03,169
You could've made your big move
three weeks ago, Mac. I keep telling you.
634
00:45:03,340 --> 00:45:07,094
That's these Down With Love girls'
claim to fame. One date, no waiting.
635
00:45:07,260 --> 00:45:10,969
These Down With Love girls may be used
to having sex the way a man does...
636
00:45:11,140 --> 00:45:14,177
...but I'm not. Too sweet?
637
00:45:16,060 --> 00:45:19,132
So I guess you and Novak
have been very down with love.
638
00:45:19,900 --> 00:45:23,813
I mean, you've had, what,
29 dates in 23 days?
639
00:45:23,980 --> 00:45:26,892
Yeah, but I'm trying to get her not
to want to have sex with me.
640
00:45:27,060 --> 00:45:30,211
These days you gotta play your cards
right to get a girl to say no.
641
00:45:30,420 --> 00:45:32,809
Or maybe you just like spending time
with her.
642
00:45:33,460 --> 00:45:36,691
Maybe the necessity
of all this chastity and monogamy...
643
00:45:36,860 --> 00:45:40,489
...has made you realize that Barbara
Novak is your ideal potential lover.
644
00:45:40,700 --> 00:45:43,453
Come back to Earth, buddy boy.
Your cake's burning.
645
00:45:43,620 --> 00:45:44,609
[OVEN BUZZING]
646
00:45:49,660 --> 00:45:52,618
So this is how a guy like you
does it, huh?
647
00:45:52,780 --> 00:45:55,499
No, I don't do it. If I did do it,
I'd do what I'm doing...
648
00:45:55,660 --> 00:45:57,696
...which reminds me of something
I didn't do.
649
00:45:57,860 --> 00:46:00,977
- I have to call Vikki with my address.
- I've got a better idea.
650
00:46:01,140 --> 00:46:03,290
Invite Vikki to my place,
make like it's yours.
651
00:46:03,460 --> 00:46:05,496
You know where I keep the spare key.
652
00:46:05,660 --> 00:46:08,493
You'd let me use the key you leave out
for your girlfriends?
653
00:46:08,660 --> 00:46:12,335
Somebody might as well. It's gathering
dust since Novak hit the bestseller list.
654
00:46:12,500 --> 00:46:15,094
But I invited Vikki
for a home-cooked meal.
655
00:46:15,260 --> 00:46:16,773
Trust me.
656
00:46:16,940 --> 00:46:22,173
Ten minutes in my apartment,
and you'll both forget all about dinner.
657
00:46:22,340 --> 00:46:24,296
Ten minutes?
658
00:46:24,460 --> 00:46:26,928
Ten minutes.
659
00:46:27,260 --> 00:46:28,852
[PHONE RINGING]
660
00:46:41,060 --> 00:46:43,779
- Hello?
- Hello, Barbara, it's Zip.
661
00:46:43,940 --> 00:46:45,578
Hello, Zip.
662
00:46:45,740 --> 00:46:49,494
I was wondering if I could ask you
to do me a very special favor.
663
00:46:49,660 --> 00:46:51,696
Sure, Zip, anything.
664
00:46:51,860 --> 00:46:53,612
Well, I know we'd planned to go out...
665
00:46:53,780 --> 00:46:56,772
...but, well, I thought it might be fun
to stay in.
666
00:46:56,940 --> 00:46:59,977
I'm in the mood
for a home-cooked meal.
667
00:47:00,140 --> 00:47:04,372
Maj. Martin, I have no desire
to stay cooped up in the kitchen...
668
00:47:04,540 --> 00:47:08,089
...slaving over a hot stove
and a sink full of dirty dishes.
669
00:47:08,260 --> 00:47:11,969
Oh, no, Barbara, you misunderstood.
670
00:47:12,340 --> 00:47:16,094
When I said a home-cooked meal,
I meant at my place.
671
00:47:16,260 --> 00:47:18,694
I wanted to serve you.
672
00:47:18,860 --> 00:47:24,492
BARBARA: Oh, Zip, no man has
ever done this for me before.
673
00:47:25,340 --> 00:47:28,093
- How thoughtful.
- Well.
674
00:47:28,260 --> 00:47:29,579
And considerate.
675
00:47:29,740 --> 00:47:31,378
It's my pleasure.
676
00:47:31,540 --> 00:47:35,374
Oh, no. No, no, it's mine.
677
00:47:35,540 --> 00:47:37,576
So you'd like to come?
678
00:47:37,740 --> 00:47:42,097
Oh, yes. Yes, yes.
679
00:47:42,460 --> 00:47:45,133
I can't wait.
680
00:47:48,860 --> 00:47:51,169
Seventy-third and Park. And Barbara?
681
00:47:51,340 --> 00:47:52,898
Yes, Zip.
682
00:47:53,060 --> 00:47:55,779
Thank you for being so flexible.
683
00:47:55,940 --> 00:47:59,330
No, Zip, thank you.
684
00:48:15,940 --> 00:48:18,500
Oh, Zip.
685
00:48:18,660 --> 00:48:22,130
Everything looks divine.
686
00:48:23,340 --> 00:48:25,376
I have that funny feeling
that you've done...
687
00:48:25,540 --> 00:48:28,179
...quite a bit of entertaining
for two here.
688
00:48:28,340 --> 00:48:31,173
Oh, I can honestly say
that, until you...
689
00:48:31,340 --> 00:48:34,889
...I haven't done any entertaining
for two here at all.
690
00:48:35,060 --> 00:48:37,290
Well, you're certainly not
the average astronaut.
691
00:48:37,460 --> 00:48:41,339
Oh, I get so tired
of all that freeze-dried food.
692
00:48:41,540 --> 00:48:45,897
After a steady diet of pellet steak
and potato tablets...
693
00:48:46,060 --> 00:48:50,258
...you yearn for something hot
to sink your teeth into.
694
00:48:53,860 --> 00:48:57,250
Well, you've whetted my appetite.
695
00:48:58,060 --> 00:49:00,858
It's not just your cooking.
696
00:49:02,460 --> 00:49:06,089
You are so well-rounded.
697
00:49:06,260 --> 00:49:12,699
Your collection of art and antiques.
You've made a real home here.
698
00:49:12,900 --> 00:49:16,210
Well, Earth still is my favorite planet.
699
00:49:16,660 --> 00:49:20,175
- No, I meant here, in New York.
- Oh.
700
00:49:20,340 --> 00:49:23,889
Most bachelors in this city are
only interested in an apartment...
701
00:49:24,060 --> 00:49:26,972
...that comes fully loaded
with every gadget and contraption...
702
00:49:27,140 --> 00:49:30,689
...man has invented to snare a woman.
703
00:49:33,100 --> 00:49:37,093
I don't understand this, Peter. How
does a person lose their built-in bar?
704
00:49:37,300 --> 00:49:38,289
[CHUCKLING]
705
00:49:38,460 --> 00:49:42,089
I swear. It was here a minute ago.
706
00:49:44,780 --> 00:49:46,008
Ow!
707
00:49:55,140 --> 00:49:57,973
Hey, found it.
708
00:49:58,140 --> 00:50:00,096
Vikki?
709
00:50:00,260 --> 00:50:02,171
Where are you?
710
00:50:02,540 --> 00:50:05,691
VIKKl: I don't know.
- Ah!
711
00:50:13,660 --> 00:50:16,777
Your couch was all over me
like some animal.
712
00:50:16,940 --> 00:50:19,295
Who knew you were so dangerous.
713
00:50:19,500 --> 00:50:21,297
PETER:
I'm sorry.
714
00:50:21,460 --> 00:50:23,576
I know I seem a little disoriented.
715
00:50:23,740 --> 00:50:26,573
I guess I tasted too much sherry
while I was cooking.
716
00:50:26,740 --> 00:50:30,574
You cooked for me? No man
has ever done that for me before.
717
00:50:30,740 --> 00:50:33,379
I'm famished.
718
00:50:33,540 --> 00:50:38,568
Actually I didn't cook. Here.
At my apartment. For us.
719
00:50:39,420 --> 00:50:44,096
I cooked at Catch's apartment for Catch.
720
00:50:44,460 --> 00:50:47,691
- Oh.
- But you've only been here a minute.
721
00:50:47,860 --> 00:50:52,058
Let's make it 10 and see
if we forget all about dinner.
722
00:50:56,860 --> 00:50:59,579
- Are those your parents?
- No, those are Catch's parents.
723
00:50:59,900 --> 00:51:03,449
Why do you have a picture
of Catch's parents?
724
00:51:04,660 --> 00:51:06,855
Let's listen to some music.
725
00:51:20,340 --> 00:51:22,695
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYS]
726
00:51:28,140 --> 00:51:29,858
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
727
00:51:30,300 --> 00:51:32,177
- Oh!
- Oh!
728
00:51:34,220 --> 00:51:35,209
VIKKl: Oh!
- Ah!
729
00:51:37,300 --> 00:51:38,335
[GASPING]
730
00:51:39,660 --> 00:51:41,059
Oh!
731
00:51:42,420 --> 00:51:45,730
I can't do this for eight more minutes.
Let's go eat.
732
00:51:46,420 --> 00:51:47,409
[VIKKI SCREAMS]
733
00:51:48,500 --> 00:51:50,058
[SHATTERING AND CLANGING]
734
00:51:52,860 --> 00:51:54,851
CATCHER: How's that?
BARBARA: Oh.
735
00:51:56,060 --> 00:51:58,779
CATCHER:
You tell me when it's good for you.
736
00:51:58,940 --> 00:52:03,172
Put your hand on it and guide me
till I got it in the right spot.
737
00:52:03,340 --> 00:52:06,969
BARBARA:
Almost. Almost.
738
00:52:07,140 --> 00:52:09,096
Oh, Zip.
739
00:52:09,260 --> 00:52:11,296
I've done this a lot before,
of course...
740
00:52:11,460 --> 00:52:15,658
...but never with such
a powerful instrument.
741
00:52:16,260 --> 00:52:18,649
That's it.
742
00:52:19,140 --> 00:52:23,053
It's perfectly clear.
743
00:52:26,140 --> 00:52:32,090
Oh, Zip, I've never seen anything
so beautiful in all my life.
744
00:52:32,260 --> 00:52:33,932
Neither have I.
745
00:52:34,140 --> 00:52:36,700
You're not even looking
through the telescope.
746
00:52:37,540 --> 00:52:39,132
I know.
747
00:52:56,620 --> 00:52:59,976
This chocolate soufflé is delicious, Zip.
748
00:53:00,140 --> 00:53:02,700
You've really outdone yourself.
749
00:53:02,860 --> 00:53:05,055
I wanted the perfect end
to the perfect evening.
750
00:53:05,220 --> 00:53:06,209
BARBARA:
Mmm.
751
00:53:06,380 --> 00:53:09,338
I've never been more ready
to go to bed.
752
00:53:10,740 --> 00:53:13,777
Oh, Zip, I'm so glad
that you feel that way.
753
00:53:13,940 --> 00:53:15,817
You know that I feel the same way.
754
00:53:16,020 --> 00:53:19,057
Well, then let's get to bed.
755
00:53:20,100 --> 00:53:23,058
I'll call you a taxi.
756
00:53:23,540 --> 00:53:25,849
Taxi?
757
00:53:27,740 --> 00:53:33,292
Oh, when I said bed,
you thought I meant... bed.
758
00:53:33,460 --> 00:53:35,894
Oh, Barbara, I'm so sorry.
759
00:53:36,060 --> 00:53:39,530
This is only the first time you've been
to my home, and where I come from...
760
00:53:39,700 --> 00:53:41,930
It's all right, Zip.
761
00:53:42,740 --> 00:53:44,776
It's all right.
762
00:53:44,940 --> 00:53:48,376
It's better this way.
763
00:53:48,580 --> 00:53:53,529
Let's just say good night...
764
00:53:54,740 --> 00:53:56,731
...and goodbye.
765
00:53:56,940 --> 00:53:58,692
CATCHER:
Goodbye? You mean for good?
766
00:53:58,860 --> 00:54:03,251
I'm afraid so, Zip.
You see, I'm beginning to feel...
767
00:54:03,740 --> 00:54:05,731
Well, I'm beginning to feel.
768
00:54:05,940 --> 00:54:08,852
Well, couldn't you give me
just one more chance?
769
00:54:09,020 --> 00:54:10,897
Oh, I'd like to, Zip.
770
00:54:11,060 --> 00:54:13,290
Really, I would.
771
00:54:13,460 --> 00:54:16,293
But just the fact that I'd like
to give you another chance...
772
00:54:16,460 --> 00:54:20,373
...is the very reason
why I absolutely must not.
773
00:54:51,660 --> 00:54:54,618
Okay, one more chance.
774
00:54:57,940 --> 00:55:00,852
I'll just...
775
00:55:36,780 --> 00:55:39,931
[CHATTERING]
776
00:55:44,660 --> 00:55:46,571
[KEYS JINGLE]
777
00:56:09,860 --> 00:56:11,851
- Peter?
- You rang.
778
00:56:12,020 --> 00:56:14,978
No, I used my key.
How did everyone else get in here?
779
00:56:15,140 --> 00:56:18,769
I took Vikki down to the Village
for a demitasse. Crazy.
780
00:56:18,980 --> 00:56:22,290
And then the coffeehouse got raided,
so I moved the scene uptown.
781
00:56:22,460 --> 00:56:24,178
You dig, daddy-o?
782
00:56:24,340 --> 00:56:26,137
Oh, I do dig.
783
00:56:26,540 --> 00:56:32,649
And after being grounded for 24 days,
this astronaut is ready to blast off.
784
00:56:36,340 --> 00:56:38,137
Ask me why I mourn.
785
00:56:38,340 --> 00:56:39,978
Why do you mourn, baby?
786
00:56:40,180 --> 00:56:42,694
I mourn because you are shrouded
in the suit and tie...
787
00:56:42,860 --> 00:56:45,658
...that Madison Avenue
will bury you in alive.
788
00:56:45,860 --> 00:56:49,250
Well, if it will cheer you up,
you can help me out of it.
789
00:57:02,860 --> 00:57:05,169
- Hi.
- Hi.
790
00:57:05,340 --> 00:57:06,853
Coffee?
791
00:57:07,020 --> 00:57:09,773
So this is a beatnik party.
792
00:57:09,940 --> 00:57:11,976
- Isn't it a gas?
- Yes.
793
00:57:12,140 --> 00:57:13,573
Oh, I'm so glad you called.
794
00:57:13,740 --> 00:57:16,049
After my date tonight,
I didn't wanna be alone.
795
00:57:16,260 --> 00:57:19,218
You won't need an astronaut
to find a date. Everyone's in orbit.
796
00:57:19,420 --> 00:57:22,093
So should I introduce myself
to the host?
797
00:57:22,260 --> 00:57:24,569
- Or is that too establishment?
- You know the host.
798
00:57:24,740 --> 00:57:26,139
This is Peter's place.
799
00:57:26,340 --> 00:57:28,854
- Catcher Block won't be here, will he?
- Oh, not to worry.
800
00:57:29,020 --> 00:57:31,011
Everyone here's a total stranger.
801
00:57:31,180 --> 00:57:34,650
Go throw your coat on the bed,
and let's join the bash.
802
00:57:42,260 --> 00:57:44,569
Oh, excuse me.
803
00:57:44,740 --> 00:57:47,334
- Catch.
CATCHER: Yes?
804
00:57:48,940 --> 00:57:50,976
Zip?
805
00:57:51,300 --> 00:57:52,699
CATCHER:
Barbara.
806
00:57:52,860 --> 00:57:55,055
Barbara, wait.
807
00:57:55,740 --> 00:57:57,890
Barbara.
808
00:57:58,060 --> 00:58:00,779
Barbara, wait. I can explain.
809
00:58:00,940 --> 00:58:03,500
You don't have to.
You said you were ready for bed.
810
00:58:03,660 --> 00:58:06,493
I'm glad you found someone you
care enough for to take to bed.
811
00:58:06,700 --> 00:58:08,930
But it wasn't like that.
I don't even know her.
812
00:58:09,140 --> 00:58:12,450
- Oh, really?
- I mean, I didn't know what I was doing.
813
00:58:12,660 --> 00:58:15,857
And yet her hat's off to you anyway.
814
00:58:16,060 --> 00:58:18,130
What?
815
00:58:28,620 --> 00:58:30,611
Good night, miss.
816
00:58:32,780 --> 00:58:34,930
Good night, Maj. Martin.
817
00:58:35,100 --> 00:58:37,534
CATCHER: Believe me,
I didn't know what was happening.
818
00:58:37,740 --> 00:58:40,618
The minute I got here,
that girl filled my pipe with tobacco...
819
00:58:40,780 --> 00:58:44,329
...she bought in San Francisco.
And after that, everything went hooey.
820
00:58:44,540 --> 00:58:48,215
- You mean she drugged you?
- All the way into that bedroom.
821
00:58:48,420 --> 00:58:49,694
Wait a minute.
822
00:58:49,860 --> 00:58:51,737
What were you doing
at a party like that?
823
00:58:51,940 --> 00:58:54,738
Well, I had no idea
there was going to be a party here.
824
00:58:54,900 --> 00:58:58,131
I got a call to tell me to come
to this publisher's apartment...
825
00:58:58,300 --> 00:59:01,133
...to meet some journalist who wanted
to do a cover story...
826
00:59:01,300 --> 00:59:05,851
...on my NASA top-secret project.
Some guy named Snitch or Snatch.
827
00:59:06,060 --> 00:59:08,620
- Catch? Catcher Block?
- Maybe.
828
00:59:08,780 --> 00:59:11,977
Anyway, I rush over here,
and that guy does not even show up.
829
00:59:12,220 --> 00:59:14,609
Don't you see? You were set up.
830
00:59:14,820 --> 00:59:16,651
- No!
- Yes.
831
00:59:17,300 --> 00:59:19,814
Catcher Block invited you here
under false pretenses...
832
00:59:19,980 --> 00:59:22,494
...so he could do
one of his famous exposés...
833
00:59:22,660 --> 00:59:26,130
...on how NASA's top-secret
New York project...
834
00:59:26,300 --> 00:59:29,292
...is just one big drug-infested
beatnik shindig.
835
00:59:29,460 --> 00:59:30,813
Oh, that's low.
836
00:59:31,020 --> 00:59:34,569
That's Catcher Block.
That's how he operates.
837
00:59:34,780 --> 00:59:36,816
Oh, Barbara, I'm so sorry.
838
00:59:37,020 --> 00:59:40,933
I just feel like such
an easily tricked hick.
839
00:59:41,100 --> 00:59:45,537
And then you went
and made the trick seem so obvious.
840
00:59:45,700 --> 00:59:50,728
Oh, Zip. I didn't mean
to make you feel bad.
841
00:59:51,580 --> 00:59:54,219
I didn't mean to make you feel mad.
842
00:59:54,940 --> 00:59:57,056
Oh, this is terrible.
843
00:59:57,220 --> 01:00:01,054
We're behaving just like
two people in love.
844
01:00:02,180 --> 01:00:05,377
Which means this argument was
the final straw. This has to be the end.
845
01:00:05,700 --> 01:00:06,849
Or just the beginning.
846
01:00:07,020 --> 01:00:12,413
Holy cow. This argument has made me
realize that I must really care about you.
847
01:00:12,580 --> 01:00:15,811
I'm finally ready
to get to know you better.
848
01:00:16,460 --> 01:00:18,018
How much better?
849
01:00:18,660 --> 01:00:20,378
All the way better.
850
01:00:21,380 --> 01:00:22,369
Really?
851
01:00:22,540 --> 01:00:25,850
I'm sorry I have to say this,
Barbara, but...
852
01:00:26,580 --> 01:00:28,696
...I love you.
853
01:00:29,780 --> 01:00:34,934
Well, I don't have any rules
against men falling in love.
854
01:00:35,100 --> 01:00:37,978
So I can make love to you?
855
01:00:38,140 --> 01:00:42,099
Heartfelt, passionate,
worshipping, adoring love...
856
01:00:42,260 --> 01:00:45,570
...and you could still have
meaningless sex with me, right?
857
01:00:46,340 --> 01:00:47,978
Yes.
858
01:00:48,580 --> 01:00:51,094
So are we still on
for tomorrow night?
859
01:00:51,660 --> 01:00:53,571
Yes.
860
01:00:53,740 --> 01:00:56,174
Oh, yes.
861
01:00:58,820 --> 01:01:01,857
That pink book is ruining my life.
862
01:01:02,020 --> 01:01:04,454
Woman acts as if she has
a mind of her own.
863
01:01:04,660 --> 01:01:06,571
She refuses my advances.
864
01:01:06,780 --> 01:01:09,499
This goes to the sanctity
of a man's most fundamental right.
865
01:01:09,700 --> 01:01:11,497
All our wives are giving us trouble.
866
01:01:11,700 --> 01:01:15,454
I'm not talking about my wife.
I'm talking about my mistress.
867
01:01:15,660 --> 01:01:18,254
I want that Vikki Hiller fired!
868
01:01:18,620 --> 01:01:22,772
But you can't fire her now, T.B.
869
01:01:23,100 --> 01:01:25,170
How would it look?
870
01:01:25,340 --> 01:01:27,934
She is the most celebrated editor
in the business.
871
01:01:28,100 --> 01:01:31,934
You're my creative team.
Create a reason to get rid of her.
872
01:01:32,100 --> 01:01:35,058
Or I'll create a new creative team.
873
01:01:39,460 --> 01:01:41,690
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
874
01:01:43,860 --> 01:01:47,216
Good morning, gentlemen.
Do you know why it's good?
875
01:01:47,380 --> 01:01:51,259
Because this is the day I tell Theodore
Banner that my fellow senior editors...
876
01:01:51,460 --> 01:01:57,330
...are going to treat me like more
than just a titular senior editor or I quit.
877
01:01:57,500 --> 01:01:58,535
[EXHALES]
878
01:02:05,980 --> 01:02:08,289
I should have known the top dog
would be a rat.
879
01:02:08,460 --> 01:02:10,735
He's a man. I hate men.
880
01:02:10,900 --> 01:02:14,449
For as man-crazy as I've been
my whole life, I sure can't stand them.
881
01:02:14,620 --> 01:02:16,178
I think I'll just get married.
882
01:02:16,380 --> 01:02:18,974
You're just upset.
You'll find another job.
883
01:02:19,180 --> 01:02:20,659
I don't want another job.
884
01:02:20,860 --> 01:02:24,250
I'm sorry, Barbara, but I don't wanna
be a Down With Love girl anymore.
885
01:02:24,420 --> 01:02:30,097
I give up. I give in.
I just wanna be Mrs. Peter McMannus.
886
01:02:30,420 --> 01:02:31,614
Really?
887
01:02:32,020 --> 01:02:35,456
At least then there'd be one man
I could tell what to do.
888
01:02:35,820 --> 01:02:37,936
Anyway, there. I've said it.
889
01:02:38,100 --> 01:02:40,534
If you want me to resign
as your friend, I understand.
890
01:02:40,740 --> 01:02:44,415
Oh, Vikki, no. How could I possibly
accept your resignation now...
891
01:02:44,580 --> 01:02:47,299
...when I need a friend
more than ever?
892
01:02:47,700 --> 01:02:50,134
You see, I have a confession
to make too.
893
01:02:51,020 --> 01:02:55,298
I'm not a Down With Love girl either.
I'm a woman who's fallen in love.
894
01:02:55,700 --> 01:02:58,772
And I'm going to tell him.
And tonight's the night.
895
01:02:58,980 --> 01:03:01,369
- Tonight?
- Yep.
896
01:03:01,540 --> 01:03:05,294
Tonight's the night
Barbara Novak is going down.
897
01:03:05,700 --> 01:03:07,292
I've got her exactly
where I want her.
898
01:03:07,460 --> 01:03:10,213
She was saying yes, but any man
could tell she really meant no.
899
01:03:10,420 --> 01:03:11,409
Uh-oh.
900
01:03:11,580 --> 01:03:13,616
Here's the title to next month's
cover story:
901
01:03:13,780 --> 01:03:18,092
"Catcher Block on Barbara Novak:
Penetrating the Myth."
902
01:03:18,340 --> 01:03:20,171
We'll have to sell it
in a brown wrapper.
903
01:03:20,340 --> 01:03:22,900
I'm taking her to my place,
which she thinks is yours...
904
01:03:23,060 --> 01:03:25,938
...by saying the guy she thinks I am
has a meeting with you...
905
01:03:26,100 --> 01:03:28,250
...and the guy who she still
doesn't know I am.
906
01:03:28,860 --> 01:03:31,977
- What do I have to say?
- You don't say a word.
907
01:03:32,180 --> 01:03:35,217
Got you. So this is it.
Tonight's the night.
908
01:03:35,420 --> 01:03:39,049
I have my big night with Vikki at the
same time you're having your big night...
909
01:03:39,220 --> 01:03:42,337
...that will ruin Novak and Vikki
and everything Vikki's worked for.
910
01:03:42,660 --> 01:03:45,811
You're putting me under pressure.
It's enough to make a man explode.
911
01:03:46,020 --> 01:03:48,329
Finally. Here's to tonight.
912
01:06:04,580 --> 01:06:06,696
I hope you don't mind this detour.
913
01:06:06,860 --> 01:06:10,933
I only mind if Peter McMannus
is wasting your time.
914
01:06:11,380 --> 01:06:12,972
Oh.
915
01:06:13,500 --> 01:06:15,456
"Dear Zip, something came up.
916
01:06:15,620 --> 01:06:18,498
Accept my apologies
with the champagne inside."
917
01:06:18,660 --> 01:06:20,412
Typical.
918
01:06:20,580 --> 01:06:23,652
Well, we might as well
crack the champagne.
919
01:06:23,820 --> 01:06:25,378
We'll only be 10 minutes.
920
01:06:25,540 --> 01:06:29,294
- Ten minutes?
- Ten minutes.
921
01:06:30,020 --> 01:06:32,090
[JAPANESE MUSIC PLAYS]
922
01:06:35,900 --> 01:06:37,538
Peter, are you all right?
You seem nervous.
923
01:06:37,700 --> 01:06:39,452
What would I have
to seem guilty about?
924
01:06:39,620 --> 01:06:41,656
I didn't say guilty. I said nervous.
925
01:06:41,820 --> 01:06:43,970
Are you accusing me of keeping
something from you?
926
01:06:44,180 --> 01:06:46,330
Peter, calm down. It's all right.
927
01:06:46,500 --> 01:06:49,253
You're not keeping anything from me.
I already know.
928
01:06:49,460 --> 01:06:52,258
- What?
- I know all about it. I've known all along.
929
01:06:52,460 --> 01:06:54,098
- You have?
- Yes.
930
01:06:54,300 --> 01:06:58,259
And so what? So you're a homosexual
hopelessly in love with Catcher Block.
931
01:06:58,420 --> 01:07:02,811
- That's no reason we can't be married.
- What? I'm not a homosexual.
932
01:07:03,020 --> 01:07:05,056
Oh, Peter, come on.
933
01:07:05,220 --> 01:07:06,812
The cooking for Catch at his place.
934
01:07:06,980 --> 01:07:09,210
The pictures of Catch's parents
at your place.
935
01:07:09,380 --> 01:07:12,258
If there had been any other
explanation, I would have found it.
936
01:07:12,460 --> 01:07:16,692
At one point, I convinced myself that
life was all one big, zany sex comedy...
937
01:07:16,860 --> 01:07:20,296
...and you'd switched keys with the lead
to use his swinging pad to snare me.
938
01:07:20,500 --> 01:07:23,492
- I did. I did switch keys with the lead.
- Oh, please.
939
01:07:23,660 --> 01:07:26,174
If that's not what you feel guilty about,
then what is?
940
01:07:26,340 --> 01:07:32,097
That Block is tricking Novak so he can
publicly destroy her with an exposé.
941
01:07:32,740 --> 01:07:35,049
What? And you've known about this
all along?
942
01:07:35,260 --> 01:07:37,569
- Where are they?
- His place.
943
01:07:37,780 --> 01:07:39,418
My place.
944
01:07:39,820 --> 01:07:41,697
- His place.
- Goodbye, Peter.
945
01:07:42,620 --> 01:07:46,613
- The wedding is off.
- Vikki, wait.
946
01:07:46,820 --> 01:07:48,970
Let me explain.
947
01:07:50,900 --> 01:07:53,414
Where's my geisha? I need my shoes.
948
01:07:59,020 --> 01:08:01,011
Now, let me see if I have this.
949
01:08:01,180 --> 01:08:03,569
The first switch starts the hi-fi.
950
01:08:03,740 --> 01:08:05,776
The second switch lowers the lights.
951
01:08:05,940 --> 01:08:08,534
Do you wanna go for broke?
952
01:08:09,500 --> 01:08:12,014
I'm game if you are.
953
01:08:17,260 --> 01:08:20,058
[LAUGHING]
954
01:08:37,060 --> 01:08:39,290
You have an eyelash.
955
01:08:42,020 --> 01:08:43,851
Make a wish.
956
01:08:49,220 --> 01:08:51,097
- What?
- Funny.
957
01:08:51,300 --> 01:08:52,619
The way you said lash.
958
01:08:52,780 --> 01:08:54,691
It sounded like you had
a different accent.
959
01:08:55,380 --> 01:08:57,371
Oh.
960
01:08:57,580 --> 01:08:59,810
That is funny.
961
01:09:01,180 --> 01:09:04,138
Anyway, this definitely is
a woman-snaring bachelor pad...
962
01:09:04,300 --> 01:09:07,212
...fully loaded
to get you in the mood.
963
01:09:07,780 --> 01:09:10,294
Are you in the mood, Zip?
964
01:09:15,700 --> 01:09:17,770
Yes, Barbara.
965
01:09:17,940 --> 01:09:20,010
I am.
966
01:09:35,140 --> 01:09:37,495
[GASPING]
967
01:09:38,180 --> 01:09:40,171
BARBARA:
Darling?
968
01:09:41,020 --> 01:09:42,294
- No.
- No?
969
01:09:42,460 --> 01:09:44,974
After you've waited all this time,
and now you say no?
970
01:09:45,140 --> 01:09:47,131
Yes. There's something
I wanna tell you.
971
01:09:47,340 --> 01:09:49,331
CATCHER:
Oh.
972
01:09:53,060 --> 01:09:56,370
Yes, Barbara Novak, tell me anything.
973
01:09:57,620 --> 01:09:58,689
I love you.
974
01:09:59,300 --> 01:10:01,370
Tell me how much, Barbara Novak.
975
01:10:02,100 --> 01:10:04,568
Too much. Oh.
976
01:10:04,740 --> 01:10:06,093
Too much.
977
01:10:06,260 --> 01:10:08,615
- Too much to have sex with you.
- Oh, right.
978
01:10:08,780 --> 01:10:11,578
Because you are Barbara Novak.
979
01:10:12,220 --> 01:10:14,415
Author of Down With Love.
980
01:10:14,580 --> 01:10:18,812
And you do not believe in having sex
with feelings.
981
01:10:19,140 --> 01:10:22,291
No, that's not why
I want you to stop.
982
01:10:22,460 --> 01:10:24,815
I want you to stop
because I love you too much...
983
01:10:24,980 --> 01:10:26,777
...to have sex without marrying you.
984
01:10:27,260 --> 01:10:31,731
I want what every woman wants:
love and marriage.
985
01:10:31,900 --> 01:10:34,130
I'm not a Down With Love girl.
986
01:10:34,340 --> 01:10:36,615
I'm not the girl you think I am.
987
01:10:36,780 --> 01:10:39,852
Oh, you are exactly the girl
I think you are.
988
01:10:53,380 --> 01:10:55,257
GWENDOLYN:
Catcher Block!
989
01:10:57,300 --> 01:10:59,097
You're getting sloppy.
990
01:10:59,260 --> 01:11:02,969
Leaving a key on the outside
when you're busy on the inside.
991
01:11:03,180 --> 01:11:04,215
Oh, why the long faces?
992
01:11:04,380 --> 01:11:07,417
We're all equal, self-reliant citizens
of the world here.
993
01:11:07,580 --> 01:11:09,730
I know I am.
Heaven knows all men are.
994
01:11:09,900 --> 01:11:12,130
And you're with Catch Block,
so I hope you are.
995
01:11:12,300 --> 01:11:15,770
Anyway, I just popped by
for a little sex à la carte.
996
01:11:15,980 --> 01:11:20,656
But since you're busy, I'll just
ring up my crew captain at the hotel.
997
01:11:21,700 --> 01:11:23,213
Cheerio.
998
01:11:31,060 --> 01:11:33,130
All right.
999
01:11:33,580 --> 01:11:35,298
Now you know.
1000
01:11:35,500 --> 01:11:38,572
I'm Catcher Block, not Zip Martin.
1001
01:11:38,740 --> 01:11:40,458
There is no Zip Martin.
1002
01:11:42,820 --> 01:11:46,699
But before you storm out of here,
admit it.
1003
01:11:46,860 --> 01:11:48,259
I got you.
1004
01:11:48,420 --> 01:11:52,299
I got Barbara "Down With Love" Novak
to fall in love.
1005
01:12:00,100 --> 01:12:02,170
I'm not gonna storm out of here,
Catch.
1006
01:12:02,340 --> 01:12:06,572
And I'm not gonna admit that you got
Barbara Novak to fall in love.
1007
01:12:06,740 --> 01:12:09,379
Because I'm not Barbara Novak.
1008
01:12:09,540 --> 01:12:12,338
- There is no Barbara Novak.
- Huh?
1009
01:12:12,500 --> 01:12:17,255
And I didn't fall in love with Zip Martin.
I fell in love with Catcher Block.
1010
01:12:17,420 --> 01:12:18,614
And that was a year ago...
1011
01:12:18,780 --> 01:12:21,169
...when for three weeks,
I worked as your secretary.
1012
01:12:21,340 --> 01:12:23,729
I don't expect you to remember me.
I wasn't a blond.
1013
01:12:23,900 --> 01:12:27,688
But you did ask me out,
and it broke my heart to say no.
1014
01:12:27,860 --> 01:12:29,339
But I loved you too much.
1015
01:12:29,500 --> 01:12:32,458
I couldn't bear to become
just another notch in your bedpost.
1016
01:12:32,620 --> 01:12:35,657
With your dating habits, I knew
that even if I was lucky enough...
1017
01:12:35,820 --> 01:12:38,414
...to get a regular spot
on your rotating schedule...
1018
01:12:38,580 --> 01:12:42,653
...I would never have your attention long
enough for you to fall in love with me.
1019
01:12:42,820 --> 01:12:46,210
I knew I had to do something
to set myself apart.
1020
01:12:46,380 --> 01:12:48,940
I knew I had to quit my job
as your secretary...
1021
01:12:49,100 --> 01:12:52,536
...and write
an international bestseller...
1022
01:12:52,700 --> 01:12:56,375
...controversial enough to get
the attention of a New York publisher...
1023
01:12:56,540 --> 01:12:59,100
...as well as Know magazine,
but insignificant enough...
1024
01:12:59,260 --> 01:13:01,979
...that if I went unseen,
Know magazine's star journalist...
1025
01:13:02,140 --> 01:13:04,335
...would refuse to do
a cover story about it.
1026
01:13:04,500 --> 01:13:07,572
I knew that every time we were to meet,
you would get distracted...
1027
01:13:07,740 --> 01:13:09,810
...by one of your girlfriends
and stand me up.
1028
01:13:09,980 --> 01:13:12,858
This would give me a reason
to fight with you over the phone...
1029
01:13:13,020 --> 01:13:15,818
...and declare that I wouldn't meet
with you for 100 years.
1030
01:13:15,980 --> 01:13:19,495
And then all I would have
to do was be patient and wait...
1031
01:13:19,660 --> 01:13:22,777
...the two or three weeks it would take
for everyone in the world...
1032
01:13:22,940 --> 01:13:24,612
...to buy a copy of my bestseller.
1033
01:13:24,780 --> 01:13:28,170
And then I would begin to get the
publicity I would need for you to one:
1034
01:13:28,340 --> 01:13:30,217
See what I look like, and two:
1035
01:13:30,380 --> 01:13:33,895
See me denounce you in public
as the worst kind of man.
1036
01:13:34,060 --> 01:13:37,848
I knew that this would make you want to
get even by writing one of your exposés.
1037
01:13:38,020 --> 01:13:41,729
In order to do that, you would have to
go undercover, assume a false identity...
1038
01:13:41,900 --> 01:13:43,413
...and pretend to be the man...
1039
01:13:43,580 --> 01:13:46,617
...who would make the girl
I was pretending to be fall in love.
1040
01:13:46,780 --> 01:13:49,055
I knew that since
I was pretending to be a girl...
1041
01:13:49,220 --> 01:13:51,131
...who would have sex
on the first date...
1042
01:13:51,300 --> 01:13:54,053
...you'd have to pretend to be a man
who wouldn't have sex.
1043
01:13:54,220 --> 01:13:57,735
And in doing so, we would go out
on lots of dates...
1044
01:13:57,900 --> 01:14:03,293
...to all the best places and all
the hit shows, until finally, one night...
1045
01:14:03,460 --> 01:14:05,371
...you would take me back
to your place...
1046
01:14:05,540 --> 01:14:07,770
...that you were pretending
was someone else's...
1047
01:14:07,940 --> 01:14:11,250
...in order to get the evidence
you needed to write your exposé...
1048
01:14:11,420 --> 01:14:16,130
...by seducing me
until I said, "I love you."
1049
01:14:16,900 --> 01:14:19,539
But saying "I love you"...
1050
01:14:19,700 --> 01:14:22,339
...was also my plan.
1051
01:14:22,500 --> 01:14:26,015
I wanted to tell you the truth so that
when you heard me say "I love you"...
1052
01:14:26,180 --> 01:14:29,536
...you would know that I knew who you
were, and you would know who I was.
1053
01:14:29,700 --> 01:14:32,453
Then you, the great Catcher Block...
1054
01:14:32,620 --> 01:14:36,693
...would know that you'd been beaten
at your own game...
1055
01:14:36,860 --> 01:14:40,773
...by me, Nancy Brown,
your former secretary.
1056
01:14:40,940 --> 01:14:44,615
And I would have once and for all
set myself apart...
1057
01:14:44,780 --> 01:14:47,010
...from all the other girls you've known.
1058
01:14:47,180 --> 01:14:50,331
All those other girls
that you never really cared about.
1059
01:14:50,500 --> 01:14:55,654
By making myself someone like
the one person you really love...
1060
01:14:55,820 --> 01:14:58,971
...and admire above all others:
1061
01:14:59,140 --> 01:15:00,539
You.
1062
01:15:00,700 --> 01:15:03,897
Then when you realized
that you had finally met your match...
1063
01:15:04,060 --> 01:15:07,336
...I would have at last
gained the respect...
1064
01:15:07,500 --> 01:15:13,496
...that would make you wanna marry
me first and seduce me later.
1065
01:15:18,020 --> 01:15:22,332
I wanted you to hear this from me before
you heard it from your private eye.
1066
01:15:22,620 --> 01:15:23,769
[PHONE RINGS]
1067
01:15:27,580 --> 01:15:30,219
- Yeah.
- Block, McNulty.
1068
01:15:30,380 --> 01:15:33,258
Got everything there is on Novak,
and it's nothing.
1069
01:15:33,420 --> 01:15:34,978
Novak doesn't exist.
1070
01:15:35,140 --> 01:15:36,937
Except for a P.O. Box in Maine...
1071
01:15:37,100 --> 01:15:39,660
...care of one Nancy Brown
of 28 Gramercy Park...
1072
01:15:40,500 --> 01:15:42,855
... where she was born and raised.
1073
01:15:43,100 --> 01:15:46,570
While our Nancy may have broken
a few hearts growing up...
1074
01:15:46,740 --> 01:15:49,777
...I can't find the guy
we're looking for who broke her.
1075
01:15:50,340 --> 01:15:53,730
Never mind. I found him.
1076
01:15:58,340 --> 01:16:00,137
So...
1077
01:16:00,780 --> 01:16:03,010
...now you know everything.
1078
01:16:03,420 --> 01:16:06,332
Now tell me the one thing
I don't know.
1079
01:16:06,780 --> 01:16:09,419
Tell me if this plan of mine
has worked.
1080
01:16:09,820 --> 01:16:12,653
Tell me if it's made you
fall in love with me...
1081
01:16:12,820 --> 01:16:15,015
...as I love you.
1082
01:16:32,020 --> 01:16:33,772
Come on. We're going out.
1083
01:16:33,940 --> 01:16:36,738
Out? Now? Why?
1084
01:16:36,900 --> 01:16:40,210
Because no wife of mine
belongs in an apartment like this.
1085
01:16:40,380 --> 01:16:41,733
Wife?
1086
01:16:41,900 --> 01:16:44,016
- You will marry me, won't you, Barbara?
- Nancy.
1087
01:16:44,180 --> 01:16:47,570
- Nancy.
- Oh, Catch.
1088
01:16:48,020 --> 01:16:50,659
It's all I've ever wanted.
1089
01:16:54,940 --> 01:16:56,612
Are you sure it's what you want?
1090
01:16:56,780 --> 01:16:59,817
Of course I'm sure.
I've met my match.
1091
01:16:59,980 --> 01:17:01,254
There's one thing between us.
1092
01:17:01,420 --> 01:17:03,650
That's gone now
that you're done pretending.
1093
01:17:03,820 --> 01:17:04,809
[DOOR OPENS]
1094
01:17:04,980 --> 01:17:08,416
You are Barbara Novak.
Oh, I didn't realize.
1095
01:17:08,580 --> 01:17:10,377
You are my heroine.
1096
01:17:10,540 --> 01:17:13,213
You're the heroine of all women
around the world.
1097
01:17:13,380 --> 01:17:14,938
But you saved my life.
1098
01:17:15,100 --> 01:17:16,931
I'm still flying friendly
in the skies...
1099
01:17:17,100 --> 01:17:19,614
...but now I decide how friendly
and when and with whom.
1100
01:17:19,780 --> 01:17:22,772
Oh, and I'm also training
for my pilot's license.
1101
01:17:22,940 --> 01:17:24,612
And I have you to thank for it.
1102
01:17:24,980 --> 01:17:27,096
Thank you, Barbara Novak.
1103
01:17:27,260 --> 01:17:29,330
Thank you for all womankind.
1104
01:17:39,260 --> 01:17:41,615
CATCHER:
Wow. You are something else.
1105
01:17:41,780 --> 01:17:45,295
You didn't just fool me,
you fooled the whole world.
1106
01:17:45,700 --> 01:17:48,612
But now we can set
the whole world straight.
1107
01:17:48,780 --> 01:17:51,294
Our marriage will end
the battle of the sexes.
1108
01:17:51,460 --> 01:17:54,816
This story's not just the Pulitzer.
This could be the Nobel Peace Prize.
1109
01:17:54,980 --> 01:17:57,699
Catch, you're not still going
to write your exposé, are you?
1110
01:17:57,860 --> 01:18:00,658
- Why not?
- Well, you know why not.
1111
01:18:00,820 --> 01:18:03,732
All the women in the world,
they look to me.
1112
01:18:03,940 --> 01:18:06,010
But the exposé can't hurt you now.
1113
01:18:06,180 --> 01:18:08,740
You're gonna have everything
you've ever wished for.
1114
01:18:08,900 --> 01:18:12,449
You'll be Mrs. Catcher Block,
living in our dream house in the suburbs.
1115
01:18:12,860 --> 01:18:14,930
With a yard full of noisy kids.
1116
01:18:15,140 --> 01:18:17,654
You putting them to bed,
then you and me having dinner.
1117
01:18:17,860 --> 01:18:20,897
Catch, stop.
1118
01:18:21,420 --> 01:18:23,331
I can't do this.
1119
01:18:23,860 --> 01:18:26,249
Barbara, stop! Don't do this!
1120
01:18:26,420 --> 01:18:29,014
He's not who he says he is.
1121
01:18:30,460 --> 01:18:32,655
Neither am I.
1122
01:18:34,100 --> 01:18:36,136
Goodbye, Catch.
1123
01:18:40,020 --> 01:18:41,499
Goodbye?
1124
01:18:50,820 --> 01:18:51,889
VIKKl:
Barbara.
1125
01:18:52,060 --> 01:18:53,652
PETER: Vikki.
CATCHER: Nancy.
1126
01:18:53,820 --> 01:18:56,095
Who you calling Nancy?
1127
01:18:56,420 --> 01:18:58,729
Hey, wait, wait.
Please, let me explain.
1128
01:18:58,900 --> 01:19:00,094
There is no explanation.
1129
01:19:00,260 --> 01:19:03,570
Deceiving the girl you'll marry
about your homosexuality is one thing.
1130
01:19:03,740 --> 01:19:06,777
Deceiving me in business is another.
I thought you were different.
1131
01:19:06,940 --> 01:19:09,613
But you're not.
You're a rat, Peter McMannus.
1132
01:19:09,780 --> 01:19:12,453
You're just like every other man.
1133
01:19:17,220 --> 01:19:20,735
I'm just like every other man.
1134
01:19:32,900 --> 01:19:35,573
Peter McMannus.
1135
01:19:35,780 --> 01:19:38,340
- What do you say we step inside?
- Well...
1136
01:19:38,700 --> 01:19:39,894
PETER:
Just for 10 minutes.
1137
01:19:40,060 --> 01:19:41,573
VIKKl: Ten minutes?
- Ten minutes.
1138
01:19:41,740 --> 01:19:43,970
CATCHER:
Nancy, wait.
1139
01:19:44,140 --> 01:19:47,337
- What do you mean, you can't do this?
- I mean I can't marry you.
1140
01:19:47,500 --> 01:19:51,015
- What?
- I can't be Mrs. Catcher Block.
1141
01:19:51,180 --> 01:19:55,253
I can't be your wife with the kids
and the house in the suburbs.
1142
01:19:55,460 --> 01:19:57,849
There was one part of my plan
that I didn't count on.
1143
01:19:58,020 --> 01:20:01,092
That by pretending
to be Barbara Novak...
1144
01:20:01,260 --> 01:20:03,694
...I would actually become
Barbara Novak.
1145
01:20:03,860 --> 01:20:06,055
I may be the last woman
in the world to do it...
1146
01:20:06,220 --> 01:20:10,850
...but I have finally become
a Down With Love girl, Level 3.
1147
01:20:12,860 --> 01:20:14,737
I don't want love.
1148
01:20:14,900 --> 01:20:16,811
And I don't want you.
1149
01:20:36,460 --> 01:20:39,258
[THUNDERING]
1150
01:20:57,900 --> 01:21:00,460
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
1151
01:21:02,180 --> 01:21:04,375
CATCHER: What did Vikki say? Any luck?
- No.
1152
01:21:04,540 --> 01:21:06,656
Barbara still doesn't want
to see you.
1153
01:21:06,820 --> 01:21:09,653
She's thrown away
everything you sent her.
1154
01:21:09,820 --> 01:21:11,378
The flowers, the candy...
1155
01:21:11,580 --> 01:21:14,617
...the $6000 state-of-the-art
Celestron telescope...
1156
01:21:14,780 --> 01:21:18,295
...that wasn't really for you to send
because it was mine, not yours.
1157
01:21:18,500 --> 01:21:19,649
Oh, she hates me.
1158
01:21:19,820 --> 01:21:23,733
At least Novak dropped you flat.
You know where you stand.
1159
01:21:23,900 --> 01:21:26,778
I think Vikki only started
talking marriage to me that night...
1160
01:21:26,940 --> 01:21:29,135
...in order to get me to have sex
with her.
1161
01:21:29,300 --> 01:21:31,768
Once I did, I hardly ever see her.
1162
01:21:32,020 --> 01:21:34,011
Except when she comes back for more.
1163
01:21:34,180 --> 01:21:36,216
And I always give in.
1164
01:21:36,380 --> 01:21:38,848
Makes me feel so used.
1165
01:21:39,580 --> 01:21:42,378
It's just not right!
I shouldn't feel used.
1166
01:21:42,540 --> 01:21:43,575
She should.
1167
01:21:43,740 --> 01:21:46,015
But she's taking her cues from Novak.
1168
01:21:46,180 --> 01:21:48,455
That's why you have to get to Novak.
1169
01:21:48,660 --> 01:21:52,369
You have to solve this, Catch.
You have to squash her. Crush her.
1170
01:21:52,540 --> 01:21:54,974
If not for the sake of civilization,
then just for me.
1171
01:21:55,180 --> 01:21:56,977
I don't wanna crush her. I love her.
1172
01:21:57,140 --> 01:21:59,574
All right, fine. So run with that, then.
1173
01:21:59,740 --> 01:22:02,732
What happened to making your exposé
into a public love letter?
1174
01:22:03,340 --> 01:22:06,457
That's no good. She's down with love
for real this time.
1175
01:22:06,620 --> 01:22:09,009
You have to think of something.
Come on.
1176
01:22:09,180 --> 01:22:10,898
Get dressed. We're going out.
1177
01:22:11,060 --> 01:22:12,937
You have to start circulating again.
1178
01:22:13,140 --> 01:22:15,938
- Where's your little black book?
- I threw it away.
1179
01:22:16,940 --> 01:22:19,534
I don't care about sex anymore.
I just wanna be married.
1180
01:22:19,700 --> 01:22:21,850
Well, me too. But fat chance.
1181
01:22:24,100 --> 01:22:26,409
Those Down With Love girls!
1182
01:22:26,580 --> 01:22:29,014
It's revenge against men.
1183
01:22:29,180 --> 01:22:31,614
And it's all your fault, lover boy.
1184
01:22:31,940 --> 01:22:34,818
That's why they all act like you.
1185
01:22:54,780 --> 01:22:56,179
Stop the presses.
1186
01:22:56,340 --> 01:23:00,811
I've got a cover story that'll make Know
sell like it has never sold before.
1187
01:23:00,980 --> 01:23:04,097
"Catcher Block Exposed:
1188
01:23:04,300 --> 01:23:07,372
How falling in love with Barbara Novak
made me a new man."
1189
01:23:07,540 --> 01:23:10,100
It's my public love letter.
It's not from the old me.
1190
01:23:10,260 --> 01:23:11,249
It's from the new me.
1191
01:23:11,420 --> 01:23:15,174
The new man that Barbara Novak
could fall in love with.
1192
01:23:15,380 --> 01:23:17,132
Come on, let's get this baby to print.
1193
01:23:17,340 --> 01:23:21,094
We're not going to print. Haven't you
noticed? We have no secretaries.
1194
01:23:21,300 --> 01:23:23,336
Every girl in New York City
has quit her job.
1195
01:23:23,500 --> 01:23:26,333
They all wanna go work
for your Barbara Novak.
1196
01:23:27,820 --> 01:23:29,458
For Barbara? Where?
1197
01:23:29,660 --> 01:23:31,969
[CHUCKLES]
1198
01:23:34,220 --> 01:23:36,211
Novak topped you again.
1199
01:23:47,180 --> 01:23:49,569
[PHONE RINGING]
1200
01:23:53,420 --> 01:23:56,173
[WOMEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
1201
01:24:05,140 --> 01:24:08,849
It's here!
Down With Love chocolate.
1202
01:24:09,940 --> 01:24:13,137
A mouthful of satisfaction
in every bite.
1203
01:24:13,300 --> 01:24:16,656
Vikki, you are a genius.
1204
01:24:16,860 --> 01:24:18,612
Your book got chocolate sales
to soar.
1205
01:24:18,780 --> 01:24:20,975
Why shouldn't we get a piece
of the action?
1206
01:24:21,140 --> 01:24:23,654
They sure kill my craving for sex.
1207
01:24:23,820 --> 01:24:26,539
The only man who could have
me now is Milton Hershey.
1208
01:24:26,900 --> 01:24:30,290
Boy, am I glad it finally occurred to you
that you were a multimillionaire...
1209
01:24:30,460 --> 01:24:33,691
...many times over
and we could start our own business.
1210
01:24:33,860 --> 01:24:38,615
And to think, I came that close
to getting married and giving all this up.
1211
01:24:38,780 --> 01:24:42,056
I was starting to believe women
weren't cut out for the workplace...
1212
01:24:42,260 --> 01:24:45,377
...when the only problem was, the
workplace wasn't cut out for women.
1213
01:24:45,540 --> 01:24:46,973
Banner House bastards.
1214
01:24:47,140 --> 01:24:50,769
And the word is out that Novak/Hiller
International is cut to order.
1215
01:24:50,980 --> 01:24:55,895
Girls are lined up around the block to
apply for the job as my private secretary.
1216
01:24:56,060 --> 01:24:58,096
And that's not all.
1217
01:24:58,300 --> 01:25:01,929
Catcher Block is here.
He wants to see you.
1218
01:25:02,100 --> 01:25:04,534
Well, call the guard,
because I don't want to see him.
1219
01:25:04,740 --> 01:25:07,732
You have to see him.
He's an applicant.
1220
01:25:07,900 --> 01:25:10,289
Oh. For heaven's sake.
1221
01:25:10,460 --> 01:25:12,291
At the risk of sounding like
my mother...
1222
01:25:12,460 --> 01:25:15,577
...just stay perfectly still
and let him get it over with.
1223
01:25:18,020 --> 01:25:19,738
Mrs. Litzer...
1224
01:25:19,900 --> 01:25:22,016
...send in the first applicant, please.
1225
01:25:22,500 --> 01:25:24,456
Okay, Novak.
1226
01:25:24,620 --> 01:25:26,611
Over and out.
1227
01:25:45,340 --> 01:25:47,217
Another ruse, Catcher?
1228
01:25:47,380 --> 01:25:49,291
You know I have no interest
in seeing you.
1229
01:25:49,460 --> 01:25:52,497
But you know you have to.
And you know I know you have to.
1230
01:25:52,660 --> 01:25:55,254
You know how things are at Know
ever since your new now.
1231
01:25:55,420 --> 01:25:57,809
I have no way of knowing how
things are now at Know.
1232
01:25:57,980 --> 01:25:59,891
I knew how things were
at Know before now.
1233
01:26:00,060 --> 01:26:02,654
You should know at Know,
things are like they are at now.
1234
01:26:02,820 --> 01:26:05,892
We have to interview every applicant
for every job. And so do you.
1235
01:26:06,060 --> 01:26:08,858
Or you'd be going against now's
definition of discrimination.
1236
01:26:09,020 --> 01:26:12,217
You wouldn't want the readers of now
or Know to know that, would you?
1237
01:26:12,380 --> 01:26:14,177
Have a seat, Mr. Block.
1238
01:26:16,900 --> 01:26:19,016
Your application?
1239
01:26:23,220 --> 01:26:26,371
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, dear.
1240
01:26:26,780 --> 01:26:31,171
Unfortunately, the secretary job doesn't
quite pay as much as your current job.
1241
01:26:31,340 --> 01:26:34,377
So I guess that's that.
1242
01:26:34,740 --> 01:26:36,298
Goodbye, Mr. Block.
1243
01:26:36,940 --> 01:26:41,491
Have a candy bar for your trouble.
And thanks again for thinking of us.
1244
01:26:41,660 --> 01:26:44,015
But I'm always thinking of you,
Miss Novak.
1245
01:26:44,260 --> 01:26:46,455
I can't stop thinking of you.
1246
01:26:46,620 --> 01:26:49,259
And I'd like you to reconsider
considering me.
1247
01:26:49,420 --> 01:26:52,139
Even at a pay cut of 96.6 percent?
1248
01:26:52,340 --> 01:26:54,979
It's only money.
Besides, I've been on top for so long...
1249
01:26:55,140 --> 01:26:57,529
...I thought it might be nice
to try a new position.
1250
01:26:57,700 --> 01:27:00,931
And you think you could be comfortable
in a position under a woman?
1251
01:27:01,460 --> 01:27:03,576
I look forward to it.
1252
01:27:04,340 --> 01:27:09,698
Starting at the bottom,
working my way up slowly to the top.
1253
01:27:13,140 --> 01:27:17,930
Still, I'm afraid that a man
of your experience...
1254
01:27:18,100 --> 01:27:21,456
...would be too distracted working
in a predominantly female workplace.
1255
01:27:21,660 --> 01:27:23,218
Not at all. You see...
1256
01:27:23,380 --> 01:27:26,850
...I'm not really interested
in women à la carte anymore.
1257
01:27:27,060 --> 01:27:30,973
The next time I get involved
with a woman, it'll be to settle down.
1258
01:27:32,780 --> 01:27:36,136
Well, I wouldn't want you stealing
one of the women...
1259
01:27:36,300 --> 01:27:39,497
...from my work force just to put her
away in a house in the suburbs.
1260
01:27:39,660 --> 01:27:41,651
Oh, I wouldn't want that either.
1261
01:27:41,820 --> 01:27:44,414
Miss Novak, I'm what you might call
a new man.
1262
01:27:44,620 --> 01:27:46,531
Oh, is that so?
1263
01:27:46,700 --> 01:27:48,895
And I'm looking for a new kind
of love.
1264
01:27:58,300 --> 01:27:59,733
"Catcher Block Exposed"?
1265
01:28:00,500 --> 01:28:05,016
"How falling in love with Barbara Novak
made me a new man."
1266
01:28:05,180 --> 01:28:06,772
Oh, sure.
1267
01:28:06,940 --> 01:28:10,330
And to put yourself on top, you just
happened to have had to expose me...
1268
01:28:10,500 --> 01:28:13,856
...as Nancy Brown in your attempt
to win a Nobel Prize.
1269
01:28:14,220 --> 01:28:17,132
I never said a word about Nancy Brown.
1270
01:28:17,300 --> 01:28:19,860
And the only prize I wanted to win
was you.
1271
01:28:20,860 --> 01:28:22,054
Crazy, isn't it?
1272
01:28:22,260 --> 01:28:25,332
After all our tricking each other,
I'm the one who wound up here...
1273
01:28:25,500 --> 01:28:29,254
...with the love letter, and you're the
one who wound up with the scoop.
1274
01:28:29,620 --> 01:28:31,292
Still...
1275
01:28:31,460 --> 01:28:33,610
...I'll keep my eye
on the billboards.
1276
01:28:33,780 --> 01:28:37,216
And maybe one day you'll do a piece on
how you became someone in between...
1277
01:28:37,380 --> 01:28:41,658
...the bashful brunette, Nancy Brown,
and the cool blond, Barbara Novak.
1278
01:28:41,820 --> 01:28:44,573
That's a piece I could really go for.
1279
01:28:59,820 --> 01:29:01,094
One.
1280
01:29:01,260 --> 01:29:02,613
Two.
1281
01:29:02,780 --> 01:29:04,577
Three.
1282
01:29:04,740 --> 01:29:06,696
Four.
1283
01:29:07,420 --> 01:29:09,297
Five.
1284
01:29:29,620 --> 01:29:30,609
Hmm.
1285
01:29:31,100 --> 01:29:34,410
Someone between
a blond and a brunette?
1286
01:29:37,060 --> 01:29:38,209
[GASPING]
1287
01:29:38,420 --> 01:29:40,092
Scooped you again.
1288
01:29:47,340 --> 01:29:49,410
I knew you would.
1289
01:29:52,100 --> 01:29:55,729
I knew the minute I placed an ad
as an equal opportunity employer...
1290
01:29:55,900 --> 01:29:58,858
...you would be the first to apply.
1291
01:30:00,980 --> 01:30:02,618
And I knew you knew.
1292
01:30:02,780 --> 01:30:05,772
And you let me in
to ask you to marry me.
1293
01:30:09,580 --> 01:30:13,175
But you didn't know I'd say yes.
1294
01:30:20,620 --> 01:30:22,099
BARBARA:
Vegas?
1295
01:30:22,260 --> 01:30:25,935
We can get married there on the spot.
I'm not letting you get away again. Ever.
1296
01:30:26,100 --> 01:30:27,374
Oh, Catch.
1297
01:30:27,540 --> 01:30:30,771
- I love you, Barbara.
- I know.
1298
01:31:19,740 --> 01:31:22,254
[PHONES RINGING]
1299
01:31:24,020 --> 01:31:25,578
I'm sorry, you'll have to hold.
1300
01:31:25,740 --> 01:31:26,855
- Peter?
- Vikki?
1301
01:31:27,020 --> 01:31:28,851
Do you wanna marry me or not?
1302
01:31:29,020 --> 01:31:30,658
I'm not giving up my career.
1303
01:31:30,820 --> 01:31:32,173
I wouldn't ask you to.
1304
01:31:32,340 --> 01:31:33,773
Then it's a deal?
1305
01:31:33,940 --> 01:31:35,737
Deal!
1306
01:31:38,660 --> 01:31:40,696
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
it's official.
1307
01:31:40,860 --> 01:31:43,169
The battle of the sexes is over.
1308
01:31:43,340 --> 01:31:45,058
What's that? Don't believe me?
1309
01:31:45,220 --> 01:31:46,255
Well, here's the proof.
1310
01:31:46,420 --> 01:31:49,298
Please give a warm welcome
to the coauthors of the new book...
1311
01:31:49,460 --> 01:31:54,170
...Here's to Love, Mrs. Barbara
Novak-Block and Mr. Catcher Block.
1312
01:31:55,140 --> 01:31:58,815
[SINGING "HERE'S TO LOVE"]
1313
01:34:48,300 --> 01:34:51,929
[CROWD CLAPPING]
1314
01:37:20,700 --> 01:37:21,689
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
1315
01:37:21,860 --> 01:37:22,849
[ENGLISH SDH]